Hold On
by Danyu
Summary: Kyoru, Yukiru, and light Haru/Rin. Kyou has accepted his fate as the cat. Relationships change and the bond between he and Tohru is cemented forever. But he leaves something behind, something precious enough to give everyone the strength to hold on.
1. Memories

**Hold On**

By Dan'yu

M-RATING. Rated for some language and adult situations.

**Chapter One: Memories**

Kyou Sohma had never been one to believe in fate or destiny. He relied on no religion, worshipped no divine power. He gave little thought to chance or circumstance. He held no large quantity of values or beliefs, a reasoning made in his ever changing and shifting world. He held only a small number of things to be true, and he treasured them above all others, beyond his life, his world, and his soul.

One of those constants in his life was his acceptance of who he was. None of the entailments, the consequences, the suffering, or the pain that came with being the cursed cat of the Jyuunishi, left out of the Zodiac, an outcast of the Sohma family. No, none of that interfered with a simple truth. It was his acceptance of the fact that he existed, quite simply, as the cat. It was ingrained so far into him, so far that he no longer questioned. He simply existed.

There was one thing he held to be ideal, true beyond all doubt, and completely constant. Love. Not the love that others would feel, or even his hope that others loved him. It was merely the love he felt for the people in his life that were dear to him.

"_Kyou-kun!"_

He had stopped questioning when he had begun to think that his name held a special ring, a sound different from all others when it came from her. His name, said in that infectious gleeful manner, accompanied by that precious smile, the kind that would brighten every day and moment. He would do anything, say anything, again and again for eternity, if he knew it would make her smile.

"_Kyou-kun…"_

The voice that had broken through an introspective quiet, a silence that held no discomfort but rather an ease with each other's presence. The voice had not been unwelcome, nor was it considered an invasion of his thoughts. When he said nothing in reply, no offense was taken, his unspoken invitation evident as he shifted against the roof tiles, making enough space for her beside him. The warmth of a body beside him, a gentle and uncertain hand that slipped into his own, an open and inviting ebony sky stretching out above them, glittering with its display for the eyes watching. That was all he needed in the world from that moment on.

"_Kyou."_

The drop of the honorific, her use of his given name falling from her lips like the sweet caress it was, had been a reflection of the intimacy invoked between them. He remembered the heat of her body agonizingly close to his own, for he was as close as he dared to be without having to fear his transformation.

He was damned, he was condemned, he was without hope and he was without the means to keep up the fight to win his freedom. All he could do was surrender and wait, savoring the time he had left at her side as months and weeks quickly spiraled down to days, and then hours and minutes as the clock ticked away his fate.

She knew. She knew, and she accepted. She was devastated to see him go, could not imagine her life without him in it, but she had understood. That sad understanding had been shining in her eyes when he had given into a final temptation and kissed her for the first time.

"_It makes me happy," she had said softly, cradling his hands, his rough and clumsy hands, against her face as he settled them against her cheek, hoping and praying to communicate the sheer volume of his feeling through the touch. _

"_It makes me happy to know that I mean so much to Kyou-kun. Because Kyou-kun is precious to me as well. More precious than anything else."_

_She had kissed him then, returning the favor as her lips lightly brushed over his, trembling slightly as she raised her arms to wrap around his neck. He had smiled, taking gentle but insistent control as he pulled her into his embrace and pressed his mouth more firmly over hers. Graceful hands threaded their way through the fiery locks of his hair, consequently pulling him more deeply into the kiss, and pushing both their minds further from the impending reality. _

_They broke away for sake of breath, and he leaned his forehead against hers, framing her face with his hands and closing his eyes to savor their proximity. He struggled to make sense of the maelstrom of love and affection that flooded through him, tantalizing his senses and overwhelming his already jilted mind. _

_His eyes were a warm and brilliant amber as he gazed down at her, his features softening with his gentle smile, awkward but kind. He leaned closer still, his ragged breath brushing her lips, teasing over her skin. He was close, so very close. Her body shivered in anticipation. _

_He closed the distance between them, and the knowledge of what was to come the next day was pushed away with the sharing of their love and their bodies. _

He made love to her that night the best way he could, giving everything he was, his heart, his soul, his joy, and his tears; gentle, tender, and passionate.

His memories were the only things to accompany him in the abysmal darkness that enveloped his prison.

--------------------------------

She rose from her bed that morning before the sun had yet to grace the earth with its light, following a habit that had been hers since she had come to this house two years before. For once, she was glad for the unbroken silence the house possessed; its serenity still unbroken by the home's other occupants. She even pushed away the guilt that usually accompanied such an uncharitable thought.

_Mou, mou. Shame on me. I should not think such things. Shigure-san was so kind to take me in, and I am very grateful to him and Yuki-kun. But…_

_Kyou…_

She bit her lips and squeezed her eyes shut against the tears that threatened to come. If there was one thing she had promised herself, it was that she would be strong. Kyou would want her to be strong.

For now she could be grateful for the time to be alone. She made her way through the kitchen and quietly slid open the shoji leading to the porch outside.

_His body was beautiful, sun-tanned skin illuminated in the moonlight to seem almost golden as he leaned over her. Warm skin, smooth and silken as velvet, the cords of hard muscle rippled beneath as he moved. The faintest of scars on his golden skin was the only thing marring the perfection. _

_His touch was inflaming, taking her breath away again and again as he touched, caressed, and tasted that which was pure and untainted, offered to him and only him. _

_The heat he radiated was intoxicating as he coaxed her into another kiss, and his kisses were as sweet as they were passionate. As his body rocked against her, the intimate contract eliciting a soft whimper from her and a low moan from him, he stared down at her through hooded eyes, amber eyes clouded with emotion and passion, and overall, his feeling for her. _

"_I love you, Tohru. Gods, koishii, do I love you."_

In the silence of the predawn hours, as her arms curled protectively around her abdomen and she fell helplessly to her knees, Tohru's last conscious thought was awareness that at this time of day, there was no one around to hear her sobs. There was no Kyou-kun there to comfort her, but most of all, there was no one to see her break down.


	2. Comforts

**Hold On**

By Dan'yu

**Chapter Two: Comforts**

"_Are you scared?"_

_His voice was soft and husky, smooth as silk. In the dark, the body leaning over her held a strong and masculine presence that was so very Kyou, and simultaneously unlike anything she had ever encountered. His eyes were imploring and dark. _

"_No. I could never be scared of Kyou."_

_No, she was not scared. She was the safest she had ever been, here with him. Her heart raced within her breast. She could feel him closer than he had ever been before; his presence was all around her, overwhelming her every sense. Kyou. "Kyou…"_

_And her thoughts were filled with him and nothing more. _

-----------------------

He could hear her crying at night.

He had never been one to sleep soundly through the night. With all the stealth he had once used in his martial arts training, he was able to stalk through the house without the slightest of sounds, the fall of his feet producing no clamor as he crept up the stairs and down the corridor, dark and still as the night around him.

Even in Kyou's absence, his midnight ramblings did not cease, proving to be a habit hard to break as he continued night after night. Two nights passed since the day Kyou had allowed himself to be locked away, and in the twilight hours was the first time he heard the muffled crying coming from her bedroom.

He hesitated outside her door, struck frozen by indecision as he found himself torn between his desire to comfort her and his nagging sense of propriety. In the end, he had only stood by helplessly as she finally cried herself to sleep.

Not wanting to push himself into her affairs, he tried to shrug off the night's events as a one-time incident, perhaps a relief of the grief she felt over her loss of Kyou. But the soft sobbing continued to break each night's accustomed silence, and it was impossible for him to ignore it any longer.

In that ridiculous battle between his sense of respectability and his love-prompted worry, it was his concern that won out in the end. Having ascended the stairs with the intention of returning to his room, he stopped in place at the quiet sounds coming from Tohru's room. His muted knock to the door was a sudden and startling sound in the otherwise serene silence, bringing an abrupt pause to any noise beyond the barrier made by her door.

"Yes?" Her voice sounded weak and muffled, oddly strangled as if she forced a lighter tone to her words.

He hesitated for only a moment. "Honda-san? May I come in?"

Her soft voice granted him permission to enter, and he did as she bid, pushing the door open to step inside, then closing it behind him as soundlessly as he had entered.

He raised his eyes to focus on her, and he felt the familiar flutter in his stomach, the tightening of the muscles in his throat that he had come to associate with his first sight of her. She was half buried in a cocoon of blankets and sheets, her hair loose and let down as the long tresses draped around her shoulders, seeming vibrantly dark against the pale shade of the bedclothes.

She had obviously attempted to wipe away the signs of tears upon her face, for her cheeks were dry, but her eyes and face were red and blotched, the bruised flesh beneath her eyes more shadowed than ever in suppressed pain. He looked beyond the forced smile she graced him with, the strain all too evident to one attune to her shifts in mood and temperament. It was a skill both he and Kyou had acquired in the years they lived together, one that came in handy during times where she refused to allow anyone to help alleviate her burden.

His heart ached for her. She stared up at him in bewilderment and incomprehension.

"Yuki-kun? You surprised me. I did not expect anyone this late at night. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I…I heard you crying, Honda-san. I came to see if you were alright."

Her friendly smile faltered for just a moment, but it was enough to prove to him it was all a false mask. "Oh, my. Gomen nasai, Yuki-kun. I did not mean to make you worry about me."

With a quiet sigh, he crossed the room, kneeling before her beside the bed. He reached for the hands folded in her lap, enveloping them in his own. His touch was light and cautious, and he was ecstatic when she returned the gesture with a gentle squeeze.

"Please don't apologize, Honda-san. You have no reason to. Do you want to talk?"

"I don't want to trouble Yuki-kun with my problems."

An undecipherable expression flickered over his face, and then a warm smile spread over his striking features. "The only trouble for me, Honda-san, would be to see you so upset. I'm here if you need me…"

Trailing off, he leaned closer, lifting a hand to touch her cheek, his eyes softening with affection and concern as he studied the unhealthy pallor to her skin, the shadows forming from lack of sleep. "You haven't been sleeping well. You've been crying at night?" At her reluctant nod, he brushed the pad of his thumb over her cheek to wipe away a stray tear. "Tohru. Your tears. They're for Kyou?"

Her eyes widened slightly, at both his voluntary mention of Kyou and his use of her given name. She turned away from his gaze, the shadows cast by the darkness effectively hiding the expression in her eyes.

Slender fingers curled around her chin, gently but insistently turned her back to face him. "Tohru. That baka neko was right about one thing. It's alright for you to be selfish from time to time. It's okay if you're hurting." It took less effort that he had thought to swallow back his distaste toward Kyou. He pushed the wondering thought away for future consideration.

He took her hands again, knowing it was the little physical comfort he could actually offer her. "Will you talk to me?"

The pregnant silence that followed seemed to last for an eternity, filled with tension and pain and thoughts they had never before dared to speak out loud. Just when he was certain she would refuse his confidence, she began to speak, her words nearly inaudible if not for the heightened senses that came with being Jyuunishi.

"I've been having dreams lately. And Kyou-kun is there with me, and I call to him, but he always fades away. I can never reach him. I wake up every night, crying, begging for him to come back." Tears pooled in her eyes, causing her eyes to shine to the moonlight illuminating the room. She irritably brushed them away, refusing to cry in Yuki's presence. "I can't seem to make them stop. I had similar dreams after Mom died. It feels as if I've lost Kyou-kun in the same way."

She gazed up at him, perched at the side of her bed with perfect balance, his violet eyes loving and focused solely on her. In the summer heat, he wore nothing more than a pair of gray pajama bottoms, bare-chested and barefoot. His body was lean and finely boned to the point of seeming delicate, but she was fully aware of the incredible strength lying dormant in the powerful muscles beneath his deceptive frame. She studied him, letting her eyes linger over each feature and perfection of him, committing to memory this new side of the man she had come to care so much about and yet knew so little of.

The full moon had risen that night, the moonlight streaming through the window, the combination of his silvery hair and alabaster skin causing him to appear almost apparitional.

Her face stained with color as she realized she had been staring, and the sudden acknowledgement of what she had said finally came to her. "Gomen, Yuki-kun, I did not to blurt all that out."

He laughed, a low, rich sound of mirth that she was delighted to hear, rare as it was. "It's fine, Tohru. I'm glad you're talking to me." He dipped his head to be level with hers, brushed away the hair falling in her eyes and tenderly kissed her forehead. "You're blushing," he whispered, his tone underlined with amusement. If anything, her blush only deepened.

"I used to have nightmares constantly when I was younger," she softly confessed, tentatively reaching out to grasp his hand once more, experimentally enlacing their fingers. His fingers were long and slender, delicately entwining with hers with a gentle pressure. His grip was strong and warm, she decided, not unlike Kyou's, reassuring in a similar fashion.

But she found herself missing hands rough and calloused with years of hard use, strong fingers and joints, sharply defined with muscle, large palms more than capable of completely enveloping hers in his sheltering grip.

She swallowed back the intense storm of emotions that came with the thought of Kyou, continuing with her narrative. "They were especially bad after my father passed away. Mom would come into my room at night, and hold me while I cried, telling me stories or just talking until I fell back asleep."

Yuki did not miss the odd, yearning lilt to her voice. Another gentle kiss to her forehead. "It must have been wonderful, having a parent who cared so much for you. You must have really loved her."

Tohru sighed sleepily, wearily leaning against his shoulder, forgetting her normal shyness in the wake of her exhaustion. "She was the most important person in my life."

"…until Kyou…"

Tohru tensed against him, warily glancing up to study his expression. His eyes were strangely expressionless, his face dark. She hesitated. She was no fool not to know she had been living in a house for the past few years with two boys who cared about her, who had fallen in love with her. As much as the fact still astonished her, she knew it to be true. Above all else, hurting either of them was a concept that completely horrified her.

"…Yuki-kun?…"

His dark countenance quickly transformed into a heartening smile. "Gomen, Tohru. I know how you care for Kyou. If that is your choice, there's nothing I can do to change it."

"I never wanted to hurt either of you, Yuki-kun. Please believe that. I care for both of you, honto ni, but with Kyou-kun…"

"The feeling is different. I understand."

Tilting her head, she shyly placed a light kiss on his cheek. "Arigatou, Yuki-kun, for understanding."

Yuki cupped her face in his hands, drawing her closer, brushing his lips over hers in the gentlest of kisses. The contact felt so fragile to him, as if a single wrong movement or a harsher puff of breath would shatter its existence forever.

But she accepted his kiss, closing her eyes at the soft contact and touched her hand to his face in turn. He pulled back just enough to rest his forehead against hers, lightly exhaling. "A single memory for my sake. If loving him is what makes you happy, I'll stand aside."

With an almost panicked reaction, she reached out to grasp his arm, violently shaking her head. "No, no, no. Please Yuki. Please don't turn aside."

Shocked at her reaction, he carefully draped an arm over her, doing what he could to alleviate the tremors running through her thin body. "Tohru, Tohru, it's alright. If you don't want me to, I won't turn away. But I don't understand."

"Nani?" Her voice was choked with tears now, still refusing to let them be shed.

"You know how I feel about you. You don't want me to turn away?"

Another vigorous nod bumped her chin into his shoulder, causing him to bring her closer, cradling her head in the crook of his neck. She seemed to welcome the physical support, her body visibly sagging as she leaned into his side.

"Please, Yuki-kun. I…I don't know what I would do if I lost you as well."

"I'm not going anywhere, Tohru. As long as you need me, I here for you."

He felt moisture against the bare skin of his chest, realizing she was crying once more. Not from pain this time, but from gratitude and relief. "Thank you, Yuki-kun. Arigatou."

He smiled. "You're exhausted. I should leave you to sleep. Unless…" He averted his eyes, visibly swallowing with nervousness. "Do-do you need me to stay with you?"

Her eyes widened in surprise, and he was quick with an explanation and leeway. "That is…well, you told me your mother would do the same. If you want, I can just go. That is…I just wanted to make sure you would be alright…"

She placed a finger against his lips, effectively stopping his words. "Iie, Yuki-kun. I would be very grateful if you stayed with me."

His self-conscious nature reared its ugly head as he was sliding into the bed beside her, pulling the comforter up despite the warmth of the season. She lay with her back to him, curled into a ball, seeming smaller and more vulnerable than he had ever seen her. Glancing thoughtfully down at his pillow, he slid it between their bodies, wrapping his arms around her around the barrier. She jerked in surprise, but nearly instantly relaxed in his embrace.

Tohru smiled as she nestled into the embrace of a loving friend. There were no nightmares that night.

--------------------------------------------

Two weeks later, the warmth of summer was gradually fading into the crisp freshness of autumn. Yuki prepared for his upcoming year at the university with a lighter heart than he was used to, despite the lingering guilt over Kyou's imprisonment. Tohru knew and accepted his feelings, and though it was not all he wanted, he had the affection, unconditional love and acceptance of a true friend. The looming darkness of the Sohma family eased its malignant hold on him, and with its relief came an alleviating of his ill feeling toward Kyou. Though grudgingly admitted, he was actually missing the neko's presence.

The sudden shrill sound broke through his reflection, startling him momentarily as he fumbled for the phone in his pants pocket. Managing to maneuver his fingers enough to activate the phone and hold the speaker to his ear, he breathed a sigh of relief. "Sohma."

"Yuki. I'm glad I got a hold of you."

"Hatori? Is something wrong?"

"It's Honda-kun."

Yuki froze, stopping promptly in his tracks in the middle of the busy promenade. A strolling couple behind him just barely managed to avoid him, the man shooting him a dirty look as he passed. Yuki dutifully ignored everything but Hatori's expected answer on the other end of the line. "Is she alright? Did something happen?"

"Shigure was with her at the house when it happened. She had a fainting spell, Yuki, but from what I can tell, she's perfectly fine. I do want her on bed rest for the next few days, however."

"Fainted? Is she ill? Honda-san is usually so healthy."

"She's been pushing herself too hard for a woman in her condition. She needs to take it easy. And I want her to make regular visits to the clinic. I'm sure I can count on you to get her here."

"Condition?" Yuki felt ridiculously similar to an echo of his older cousin, but he found himself genuinely lost.

There was a considerable pause on the other end. "Yuki," Hatori responded finally, his words careful and weighted, "Has Honda-kun not told you yet? She's known for nearly a week." Hatori sighed; Yuki could just imagine him rubbing his temples in a habitual gesture of exasperation. "She's nearly three weeks pregnant, Yuki.'

With that, Yuki promptly dropped the phone, blindly unaware as it fell from his hand and smashed into the concrete at his feet.


	3. Dreams

**Hold On**

By Dan'yu

The main focus of the chapter is probably Kyou's dream. There's a bit of Haru/Yuki friendly bonding at the end. Haru is my favorite next to Kyou; I couldn't resist bringing him in here.

**Chapter Three: Dreams**

_He awoke to a strange, languid feeling of complete contentment, comfort, and satisfaction. Blinking eyes heavy with sleep in an attempt to clear his blurry vision, he stretched his lethargic limbs, arching his back in a manner true to any feline. He let out a soft sigh of pleasure. In the years and months of dark anticipation that had haunted him as he counted down to the time of his "caging", he had begun to take the time to appreciate the simple things in life. The sensual feeling of cool, clean sheets against naked skin being one of them. _

_He threw back the sheets, rolling his body into a sitting position at the side of the bed. A momentary rustle of the bedclothes, and a pair of slender arms encircled his waist, the foreign warmth of another's body hovering just behind his back. He fought against his instinct, the desire to lean back and feel the momentary pleasure of body-to-body contact, a luxury long denied to any Jyuunishi. But still, the heat of another body was a delightful and strange concept to any cursed soul, and he savored it while he could, all too aware that their time was drawing to a close. _

_He smiled, a lazy, indulgent grin that accompanied the unusually soft and open expression lingering from the previous night's loving, reaching for her hand. He studied the only place they could fully touch without fear, watching as their fingers entwined tightly, fitting together perfectly in a simple but intimate gesture. Her hand felt so small and delicate wrapped in his own, impossibly immaculate against his rough and clumsy palm, stained with years of tainted history. And yet she overlooked it all, to be with him now in his last few hours of freedom. _

_The contrast of their skin tones was obvious, as he lay his arms under hers, idly skimming his fingers up the smooth expanse of pale, flawless skin, the touch no more than the whisper of a caress as it lingered at the curve of her arm, eliciting soft, breathless laughter in his ear as he brushed over the sensitive point. He smirked, cocking an eyebrow in surprise. So she was ticklish?_

_She squealed with surprise and delight as he suddenly whirled around, digging his fingers into her ribs as he tickled her. His body leaned over her, his face animated with boyish glee as she collapsed in helpless laughter, begging him to stop with bated breath between giggles. _

_He released her, bracing his weight on his elbows as he stared down at her, appearing extremely pleased with himself. Her face flushed and her eyes bright, she glared at him to the best of her ability, though coming from Tohru the expression came off as more similar to a petulant pout. Kyou smiled indulgently. There was not a vengeful bone in her entire body, he was sure, as he slipped her arms around her and rolled unto his back, cradling her slim body close to his side. She let her head fall back against his shoulder, and soft lips brushed over his skin, a chaste kiss pressed to the nape of his neck. She spoke quietly, her breath a warm caress over sensitive skin. He could just imagine the endearing blush likely to grace her face as she whispered to him. "Aishiteru, Kyou-kun."_

_He turned his head, brushing her lips with his own in a whisper soft kiss. "Kyou," he breathed, allowing his mouth to linger for only a moment before descending in a trail of warm, light kisses, pausing to nuzzle the hollow of her throat._

_Her hands clenched at his broad shoulders for some form of support as her body went weak and languid as he pressed her back against the bed. "Ky-Kyou," she repeated obediently, her voice faltering in the wake of a breathless gasp. One hand ascended over smooth muscles and the tanned column of his neck to tangle in the silky hairs at his nape, pulling him down into another kiss as he repeated her previous confession in low, husky tones thick with passion. "Aishiteru, Tohru-koishii." _

_The faintest of light streamed from the open window nearby, the curtains drawn back to reveal the skies overhead, vaguely lit with the amber traces of early dawn. Morning had finally come, and their time was growing shorter. _

Kyou's body jerked forward with all the force of a man fleeing for his life, breaking the stifling silence of the dark room with his muffled cry, followed by the harsh panting of his breath as his body trembled in the aftereffects of the dream.

He rubbed a hand over his face in an attempt to clear his muddled thoughts. Grimy fingers touched to the moisture lingering from sweat and his own tears, the dirt smeared across sallow cheeks unseen in the impenetrable black enveloping his cage.

Tangled, matted hair grown long and ragged during his imprisonment fell around his face, veiling the shocked expression crossing his face. Astonished, he brushed away the tears pooling in his eyes and trailing down flushed skin. When was the last time he had allowed himself to cry?

The question remained unanswered as he surrendered to the release.

------------------------

When nearly all the Jyuunishi (with the exception of Kureno, Rin, and Ritsu) all flocked to Hatori's clinic at the news of Tohru's collapse, Yuki could not bring himself to be surprised. From the youngest to the eldest, the most solemn to the most perverted (Yuki's expression darkened at the thought of Shigure's perverted teasing toward the naïve Tohru), they all cared for Tohru in their own special way. Though some of them would be stubbornly reluctant to admit it, there was a special quality to the softhearted girl that melted the most difficult among them, and there was no dispelling the affection that grew toward her.

So it was only natural that news of her illness caught the attention of the Sohmas who cherished her so, this solitary light in their dark existence. Yuki kept up the solitary presence he had maintained since arriving at the clinic, brooding silently over the troubling thoughts taking unwelcome refuge in his mind.

The light pressure of a hand on his shoulder, and he had to force himself not to flinch away, despite the familiarity of the touch. It was the accustomed trait of a Jyuunishi to fear any physical contract, after all.

But the gentle, unintruding touch lingered, and he glanced up to find himself under the scrutiny of his cousin's concerned gaze. His customary blank expression abandoned in favor of a worried frown, the younger boy studied the other closely, catching a glimpse of the shadowed thoughts usually so effectively hidden in Yuki's eyes. The nezumi had a habit of hiding his emotions, something he was usually successful at attempting, but no one escaped revelation under Haru's eerie ability to read into the hearts of others, Yuki being no exception.

"Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?"

Yuki scoffed, an uncharacteristic gesture from the soft-spoken young man, as disgusted with himself as he was with the thoughts racing through his head. "I'm being a selfish brat and I know it," he murmured, averting his eyes from his cousin's unnerving stare, "But I can't help being jealous. How pathetic does that make me?"

"I think it makes the great Prince Yuki as human as the rest of us." When the gray-haired boy shot him a dark look, the ox grinned good-naturedly. "Had to snap you out of your self-pity somehow. You're stronger than that, Yuki. Even if you don't know it, I sure as hell do. You've loved her for so long; it's only natural that you're a little jealous. You just can't let it control you."

Yuki softly exhaled, relieved to feel the tension releasing from his body as effectively as the used breath. "How do you do that, Haru? How do you let yourself be so concerned over others when you're hurting inside yourself?"

Stormy emotions passed over the serene gray of Hatsuharu's eyes, gone as quickly as they had appeared. He rested his hand on his shorter cousin's head of silvery hair in a strange but simple gesture of affection. "I'd like to think that even if I can't do anything about my own situation, I can do something to help the people I care about. I do care about you, Yuki. And I'm not the only one."

Yuki squirmed under the touch, backing away from the sudden discomfort of their interaction. "I know that." His voice sounded strained even to his own ears. "It's just…"

"Hard to accept? A lifetime of cruelty by the people you call family can do that to you." With the sudden distance in his eyes, Yuki had a feeling there were undercurrents to his companion's words he did not completely understand.

"How's your situation with Rin?"

Right on the mark. Haru grimaced, leaned against the wall behind him and folding his arms across his chest as he sighed. "Fair's fair I guess. She still refuses to see me, let alone talk to me. I just don't know. I starting to think that maybe I was wrong. Maybe…maybe I really don't have any chance…maybe she really doesn't love me anymore."

His eyes softening with sympathy, Yuki reached out to touch the other's arm. "Haru…"

The other boy shook his head, his dual-colored hair ruffling in the force of the gesture. "Change of topic. It's Honda-san we should be worrying about. Tell me, is she really pregnant?"

Still dazed himself over the news, Yuki could only nod. "Hai. That I know of. I still haven't really talked to her. Once Hatori convinced me she was alright, I was shoved aside by the others."

Haru smiled. "They're just worried about her. Hatori's there, though, in case Momiji gets too excited or Ayame or Sensei get any strange ideas." A thoughtful look passed over his face. "So Honda-san's having a baby…that's an interesting development."

Yuki sighed, staring forlornly at the ceiling with blank eyes. "I knew they had gotten closer before he left, but…I never imagined they were _that _close."

"So it's Kyou's kid then?"

Yuki whirled on him then, clearly indignant. "Of course it is! Who else's would it be?"

Haru spread his hands in a gesture of defense, his lips upturning in an amused smile. "Calm down, boyo. It was just an innocent question."

Yuki rolled his eyes, unable to resist a faint smile as he slumped back against the wall beside his cousin. It was an irritating quality that Haru possessed, to have the ability to cause a complete turnaround in his mood no matter how strange the situation.

Some things, especially from childhood, were hard to let go of. Even so, it was a friendship he found far too rare, too precious to break.


	4. Acceptance

**Hold On**

By Dan'yu

**Chapter Four: Acceptance**

"_You know something? The moment I first saw you, I had the strangest feeling my life was never going to be the same again."_

"_Did you? Maybe it was a fated meeting."_

"_Do you believe in all that crap about fate and destiny?"_

"_I believe that there are people in the world each of us are meant to meet. Each of these people are destined to impact our lives in some way, whether we come to love them or otherwise. There is one special someone who we are fated to be tied to, a special someone we are born to love."_

"_Soul mates…? You know, that concept doesn't sound so bad. I'll tell you something else. That time, our first meeting…I was scared. Something inside me just knew that you were there to change my world, and the very thought scared the heck out of me."_

_She leaned closer to him; close enough to brush nose to nose as their vision blurred with the proximity. "Are you scared now?"_

_He gently reached for her hand, placing it palm side down against his bare chest. "Do you feel it?" he asked softly. _

"_Your heart…it's racing…"_

"_I'm not scared, koishii, but my heart…my heart is yours, Tohru. It's beating for you. Maybe…maybe I was born to love you…"_

"_Soul mates, Kyou-kun…"_

_--------------------------_

Hatori Sohma had never been one to be particularly fond of the autumn season, and his dislike branched from the simple fact that autumn was far too close to winter for his liking. Winter on the Sohma estate brought for him months of stress and worry, haunting memories and midnight calls to interrupt his already limited sleep.

With winter came memories of _her. _Each snowfall brought back memories that haunted him in his quiet moments, with no other distraction around to sidetrack him from thoughts of _her_. A the long, cold days dragged on, he grew foolish enough to begin to hope again, waiting ever so patiently for the warm breath of spring to thaw the frozen land. But that warmth never came, and even when the seasons faded into the spring, he let hope die away once more, feeling more the fool for letting the forbidden emotion distract him, and another part of him would harden, grow colder than the previous season. He was meant to be a cold man after all, with a heart of ice and unquestionable loyalty to his god.

_But what people are in the past cannot always be regained_, he thought as he climbed the steps to the inner compound where Akito's home was located. He could never become once more the cold and stoic man he had been in his younger years any more than he could be the gentler lover Kana had known. Time not only had the capability of healing wounds, but also the ability to break the spirits of the downtrodden, and any fire still existing within him was dying away. What once was a strong and proud spirit was dwindled away to nearly nonexistence. The burden of the Jyuunishi had taken its toll on a pain stricken man.

Kureno's silent and stealthy appearance at his side surprised him momentarily, but when the younger man responded to his greeting with nothing more than a polite nod, he followed just as quietly as the other while being led into Akito's inner chambers.

His next surprise came in the form of Shigure kneeling on the floor beside the room's entrance, his normally amused expression shadowed with an unusual seriousness. He arched a brow in question as he caught a hint of fear. Since when did anything shake Shigure enough for him to be afraid?

His continued observation of the room brought about a heavy and very tired sigh as he kneeled beside Shigure. He was sure Akito must desire getting ill, leaving the great windows along the far wall open the way she did in the cool weather of autumn. The young clan head demonstrated her defiance to his requests as a doctor in the way she lounged beneath the windows, her feet bare and her body clothed in nothing more than a thin kimono as the birds flocked around her hands. Such a childish and blatant defiance was dangerous to her health.

And so the weather would grow colder, and Akito's illnesses would grow more frequent and harsh. Constant attendance to his patient would fill his days, and his nightly sleep would be cut shorter and shorter by urgent calls in the night requiring his attention to the clan head's latest tantrum or attack. He felt weary already at the mere thought.

Ten minutes from the time he had first entered the room, Akito finally made the decision to grace them with her attention. Hatori felt an involuntary shudder run down his spine at the pure malice of her smile. "I've made my decision, Shigure, Hatori, on the matter of the child."

Hatori swallowed hard, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. A side affect of the curse was their forced obedience to Akito, and as much as the heart inside of him screamed against it, his mind and body had acted of its own accord. There had been no other choice for him and Shigure both but to report Tohru's pregnancy to their god.

Glancing out of the corner of his eye, he saw Shigure tense, staring straight ahead at Akito with enough force that she would have been sure to take offence if she paid him any attention. His body nearly radiated tension; Hatori was certain he was in much the same state.

"The child is of no concern to me. It may live, and of course remain with the girl. I see no reason why anything else about the situation should change." The malice darkened into something menacingly feral. "This is her punishment, after all, for being arrogant enough to involve herself in our affairs. She will no longer have her monster lover at her side. That is fitting enough, I think."

"Just make this very clear. That whelp of hers will have no standing in this family. I will have no bastards in my house. If I ever catch her or her bastard anywhere near the inner grounds, I will not hesitate to act. Do I make myself clear?"

"Hai, Akito-san." Their instantaneous answer was given in unison obedience.

"Good. Let that hag have her child. Who will want it, after all? The bastard whelp of two monsters?"

Hatori and Shigure said nothing in reply, both of their bodies relaxing with relief. Akito had no way of knowing that there was only one thought passing through both their minds. That Tohru's baby was safe from Akito's wrath.

------------------

Families were complicated things.

At least, reflective of his own experiences, that was Yuki's opinion on the matter. Betrayed and practically sold by his own parents, abandoned by his brother and a family who treated him with equal amounts of reverence and disgust, he knew his view was not an objective one, though complicated was an understatement when referring to the dark cloud surrounding the Sohma family.

And then, a young girl with an innocent and ever optimistic heart had completely changed his perspective as she helped them to create a home and family all their own. Helped him to realize that his family had been there all along, in the Jyuunishi who had always cared for him, from the compassionate Haru, to his own misguided brother, everyone else in between and even Kyou. They were his family.

But still, he decided, families were a complicated matter after all, as he stood to the side, watching silently as Tohru confronted her grandfather with the startling news of her pregnancy.

Tohru knelt humbly before the elderly man, her head bowed, hands folded in her lap, and her body tense as the stifling silence took residence in the room, enveloping all the room's occupants in its discomfort and tension.

Grandfather Honda, as he was called, was an elderly and feeble man by all first appearances, far past his prime and quite into the twilight of his years. Of the man behind the mask of old age, Yuki knew very little, for there was nothing senile about the dark eyes that raised to focus on him, their intensity full of intellect and resolution, softening with kindness and gentle concern as they came to rest once more on Tohru's fragile frame. This man, no matter how deceptive his appearance, wielded the power as the patriarch of the Honda family, and it was ultimately his decision that led to the family's acceptance or rejection of Tohru and her child.

Honor and acceptance, they were both heavy burdens to bear. It was both his appreciation of this burden, and his gratitude of their gifting to him that drove him back to the Honda house on this day, less than three days after Tohru's last encounter with her grandfather.

He was shown into the house by a startled girl relatively around his own age, remembering her vaguely as a cousin of Tohru as she showed him into a sun filled dayroom where Grandfather Honda knelt in a serene silence, his eyes closed and his breathing low and steady in a meditative state.

Yuki entered the room as silent as his nezumi nature would allow, drawing the attention of the older man despite the lack of sound. "Grandfather" as Yuki had come to know him as, greeted him with a friendly smile and a welcoming gesture to take a seat. Yuki opted instead to take a traditional position as he knelt before his host, imitating the other's pose with his back straight and head bowed respectfully.

"My apologies for dropping by so unexpectedly, Honda-san."

"It is no trouble at all, my boy. I don't believe we have ever been properly introduced. I am Takashi Honda(1), as you probably know. And I believe you are one of the young men Tohru-san has been living with these past few years. Gomen…but I did not catch your name."

"My name is Yuki Sohma, sir. As I said, I am sorry to intrude, but I wished to speak with you."

And then the feigned vague awareness left the Honda elder's eyes, replaced by the shrewd intelligence Yuki had caught a glimpse of on his previous visit. "Ah, I see. You wish to speak with me about the matter of Tohru-san's child."

"Hai, sir. That is it."

The old man sighed, raising a gnarled hand to rub his temples as if in pain, consequently reminding Yuki of the serious and responsible Hatori. "You must consider my position, Sohma-kun. As the head of this family, my daughter and her family as well as extended members of our family will respect my decision no matter how ragingly senile they believe me to be, but at the same time, I can neither condone nor condemn Tohru's actions. You must understand, young man, that while I care for my granddaughter's well-being, I had to appease this family, no matter how bitter their hearts. The most I could do was to accept her confession and sent her again from my home. Honor works as a two-edged blade, dear boy, and tradition holds stronger than the ties of blood ever could."

Yuki was silent for a moment, mulling over his companion's words in his head. "…I understand, Honda-san, truly I do. Life had long since taught me similar lessons. But that is not why I am here."

"And why did you seek an audience with me, Yuki Sohma-san?"

"If I may speak candidly, Honda-san?" At the elder man's approving nod, he continued. "Despite your silence, I could see in your eyes how much you care for Tohru-san. I thought that…I did not want to leave you uncertain over the fate of your granddaughter and great-grandchild.

"No matter what happens, this child will be cared for and loved by so many people just waiting for his entrance into the world. This child and Tohru will be provided for, loved and sheltered, always."

There was a soft appreciation in Takashi's eyes as he regarded the boy turned man before him, finding no sign of dishonesty in the young face intent with promise and love. "And why is it their fate is so guaranteed? Can you give me that kind of reassurance?"

"Merely the fact that this child is Tohru's would guarantee his safety and adoration." Yuki smiled softly. "Honda-san, we, myself included, would do anything for Tohru. That is my promise. And…this baby is a Sohma, and one of our own. The very thought of casting either of them aside is incomprehensible, especially not after the way we lost his father."

"Ah, the elusive father. Tell me of him, Sohma-kun."

Yuki's face blanked, strangely expressionless, as his eyes grew distant. "The baby's…father, Honda-san, cannot be here with Tohru and the child. Just know that he loved Tohru greatly, and it was not his choice to leave them."

"The Sohma clan is a very elusive family, shrouded in such mystery. In the past, Tohru's ties to your family have put me ill at ease. Can you guarantee me her protection as well, for one so young and vulnerable, when you yourself are just entering manhood?"

Yuki's jaw tightened in a stubborn line, tight with anger as his body tensed. "I am no child, Honda-san, that I can assure you. I would give anything for Tohru, my life and happiness included."

"Yes, I believe I understand now. Forgive me, Sohma-kun, for I did not mean to offend you…You are in love with my granddaughter yourself, are you not?"

"I…" His face staining in a vivid blush, Yuki cast his eyes away from Takashi's amused but sympathetic visage. "Yes…I do care for her. But I was not the one she chose, sir. The most I can do is guarantee for Tohru and her child the kind of life and support they deserve."

"For such a young man, Yuki Sohma, you are very wise. Take good care of my granddaughter and great-grandchild. I have a feeling they will have need of you."

"I really don't know who needs who more, Honda-san. Whether she needs me as much as I need her, I have no idea."

As the younger man moved to rise to his feet, the Honda patriarch stilled his movement with a gentle hand to his shoulder. "Do not give up so easily, my boy. Happiness is destined to come to us all."

"I outgrew such idealism long ago, sir."

"Perhaps it is time to embrace it once more. Hope is a strange thing, young Sohma, one that comes in the most unexpected of forms."

Hope…what place did such a sentiment have in their lives?


	5. Hope

**Hold On**

By Dan'yu

**Chapter Five: Hope**

"…_Tohru…"_

"…_Tohru…"_

"_Ano, koishii, you need to wake up?"_

_Stirred from her light sleep by the quiet voice, laced with gentle insistence, Tohru slowly opened her eyes to find Kyou's face in close proximity with her own. The moment she looked up, silently informing him of her awareness, his face softened with a smile, his eyes warm with affection. _

_Tohru returned the smile, reaching out to grasp the hand resting on the bed beside them, their fingers entwining. He touched his fingers to her face briefly, leaning in just enough to press a light kiss to her forehead. "Did you sleep well?"_

_Beneath the warmth in his eyes was a familiar, shadowed melancholy, darker now and more intense than she had ever seen it. With a sudden realization, her grip on his hand tightened almost painfully. "Kyou…you…"_

_With a sad smile, brushing his fingers once more against her face, he rose gracefully to his feet, releasing his hand from hers. "You should hurry, Tohru. You don't want to be late for your own graduation ceremony."_

_Watching him walk away, she was well aware of a sinking feeling in her stomach, the dread they had managed to banish for a short time the night before coming back full-force. She hugged herself, biting her lip against the urge to cry. _

"_Tohru-chan!"_

_As Kagura's cheerful shout broke through the morning silence enveloping Shigure's house, Tohru hastily wiped away the tears that had managed to creep into her eyes, forcing a light-hearted smile. The older girl had insisted long ago that she would be the one to dress Tohru for the ceremony; she should not keep her waiting. She would smile and laugh, be as blithe as all the other graduates and not let the Sohmas she cared for so deeply see behind her face. Kyou would not want to see her cry; she would be strong for him. _

_Even as she made her resolve, fighting back the threat of tears, the arms she wrapped around herself gave no reprieve. There was no way to banish the cold, with only a memory of the warmth of Kyou's embrace. _

_----------------------------------------------------------------_

"A baby shower?"

The skeptical question originated from Yuki, sitting before the piles of notes and textbooks on the kotatsu before him, the warmth needed in the chill of the blustery autumn afternoon outside. His hair grown longer since entering university, mussed with uncharacteristic carelessness, the nezumi appeared tired, stress and exhaustion leaving their mark upon his visage as the exhausting pace he kept up at the college finally caught up with him. Yuki frowned thoughtfully as he eyed his younger cousin over the reading glasses perched on the bridge of his nose.

"Yes, yes." Momiji was practically vibrating with excitement; his youthful features alit with zealous enthusiasm. "We should throw Tohru a baby shower!"

"Do you even know what it is?" Haru asked from his reclining position on the nearby couch, lazily fixing his gaze on the cheerful usagi.

Momiji huffed indignantly, resting his hands against his hips. "Of course I know what it is! It's a Western tradition when people throw a party for a woman expecting a baby. I just think we should do something nice for Tohru." His expression faded into one of concern. "She's seemed down lately."

Haru shrugged, stretching back his arms until his shoulders cracked, a gesture that made Yuki wince. "I never said we shouldn't do it. I just wanted to make sure you knew what you were doing. What do you think, Yuki?"

"I think it's a good idea. She likes to have us all together. I'm sure she'd enjoy it."

With a grin, Momiji slapped his hands together. "Gut! It's settled then. We'll throw a baby shower for Tohru-chan! You guys don't worry about a thing! I'll take care of anything."

As he moved to exit the room, Haru stopped him. "Momiji. Why don't you check with Sensei to see if you can use his house?"

"That's a good idea. Where is he?"

"In his study," Yuki answered"Though Kami knows what he's doing in there."

As Momiji thanked him and headed off to see Shigure, Haru turned to Yuki with a slight smile. "Are you sure it's wise to send him to Sensei? The only thing he loves more than torturing his editor is torturing the rest of us."

"Momiji will be fine. Oddly enough, he's one of the only people who can actually tolerate Shigure without blowing his top."

"True enough." He paused for a moment, regarding Yuki with a weighted stare. Yuki fidgeted under the scrutiny, as he always had, attempting to hide his ill ease under the guise of reviewing his schoolwork. Sooner or later, Haru would let him know what was on his mind.

His answer came sooner rather than later. "Oi, Yuki?"

"Hmm?"

"Momiji mentioned that Honda-san's been less than cheerful. How is she doing?"

Yuki sighed, admitting defeat as he closed the textbooks, rubbing his fingers to his temples. "She's been fine, considering. She's ill in the mornings, and she tires easy, but those are just regular symptoms of pregnancy. She's…oh, dammit, Haru, she's miserable! She laughs and smiles like she used to, she tries so hard, but it's all forced! She's so sad beneath it all. I don't know what to do."

Haru said nothing, moving across the room to sit beside his cousin, close enough for their shoulders to touch. He reached out, resting his hand against Yuki's shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "What you do, Yuki, is nothing."

"Nothing?"

Haru nodded, a ghost of a smile curving his lips as he leaned back his head to gaze at the ceiling. "Yep. You do nothing. You just have to let her get through this on her own. She's missing him, Yuki, there's no denying that. Just make sure she knows you're here for her when she needs you, and then give her the space she needs. All she needs now is time."

Yuki nodded silently, accepting the advice. Rubbing a hand over his face, he stretched, regarding the other with a dry chuckle. "You really do amaze me, Haru. Are you sure you're only seventeen?"

"That's what they keep telling me."

"More like a wise old man. Hmph. A young old man."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

"Honda-san?"

The soft sound of Yuki's questioning voice broke through her reverie, as she turned her head to favor him with a bright smile. He returned the smile, moving toward her gracefully; somehow capable of keeping his natural dexterity even in the bulky scarf and long coat he wore against the autumn chill.

"Yuki-kun. Hello."

"I'm not interrupting, am I?"

"Iie. I was just finishing my conversation with Mom."

He respectfully knelt beside her before her mother's grave, pressing his hands together to offer the traditional short prayer. As he finished, he opened his eyes to regard the woman beside him, frowning slightly.

At six and a half months, she was in the full bloom of pregnancy, her stomach round and swollen in contrast to her slight frame, her face alight with an almost glowing radiance, her cheeks flushed in the cold of the season. Since leaving her grandfather's house that fateful day four months before, she had begun to make regular trips to her mother's grave. On occasions, especially as the cooler seasons began to set in and her stomach began to swell with growing life, handicapping her movement, Yuki would accompany her, watching from a distance as she seemed to alternate between days of cheerful conversation, and tearful, earnest whispers of things only she and Kyoko Honda would ever know.

Despite all this, it was the rather thin state of the coat wrapped around her that caused him to frown. With a tired sigh, he unwound his scarf, wrapping it snugly around her neck. "We should be heading back, Honda-san. It's a bit too brisk out here to stay out long."

"Hai." With a fond smile, she rested a hand over her stomach. "Silly of me. It's not good for the baby."

Accepting his outstretched hand, he effortlessly helped her to rise to her feet. Her arm linked through his, he offered her a smile, one she gladly returned as they began the walk down the path, their pace purposely slow as they took the time to admire the vividly changing colors of the trees along the path.

------------------------------------------------------------

As they entered, the house was dark and quiet. Pausing in the front doorway to remove shoes and coats, Tohru turned her head toward her companion. "Yuki-kun? It's getting late. I should probably start dinner."

Yuki nodded as he took her jacket, handing both coats on the mahogany coat tree nearby. "You don't have to cook, Honda-san. Are you sure you don't want me to?"

"Er…that's alright, Yuki-kun. It's no trouble for me."

Yuki chuckled softly. "I see. You're probably right, Honda-san. I know what a disaster I am in the kitchen."

She smiled. "Iie, it just takes practice. Do you have any requests, Yuki-kun?"

"Hmm, no. Anything sounds good."

His mouth stretched into a grin as Tohru stepped into the main room, flicking on the light switch as she passed…

"SURPRISE!"

"Eh?"

------------------------------------

Momiji's party went over a success. Among the sea of familiar and smiling faces, Tohru's eyes lingered over each of them, her smile growing lighter and fonder with each new person she saw. Momiji, Shigure, Hatori, Ayame, Haru, Kagura, Arisa and Saki, Kisa, and even Hiro. All of them come to celebrate with her.

Momiji and Kagura had taken charge then, each of them grabbing an elbow and guiding her toward the tables heavily laden with food and flamboyantly colored presents, spread out endlessly in a tangle of ribbons and wrapping paper, elaborately decorated cakes and chocolates among other sweets.

The walls and ceiling were dripping in streamers and balloons, done in mixtures of pinks and blues, as the sex of Tohru's baby had not yet been determined. Lavish, but tastefully done. Even Yuki had to stare with open admiration. Momiji had outdone himself.

The room was soon full of excited and amiable chatter, the friendly warmth enveloping the room coming from more than just the fire roaring in the hearth. Tohru sat as the center of all the attention, covered in a thick quilt before the fireplace, supported by the large number of cushions Kagura had tucked behind her. Between the ongoing conversations, different members of the Jyuunishi continually presented Tohru with different treats, especially her favorites, small portions of onigiri or her favored sweets.

As time passed, Yuki watched her, the expression that had been darkened with sorrow for so many months finally relaxing, taking on a new beauty as pure joy lit up her features in a way he had never seen.

Gifts followed next, each one an obvious echo of each person's individual eccentricies. From Kisa and Hiro, a great stuffed tiger nearly the size of each of them; from Kagura, a pair of knitted baby blankets done in rich shade of green, embroidered along the edges with the different animals of the zodiac; from Arisa and Saki, sets of sleepers and booties; from Haru, a storybook; from Ayame, beautifully made dresses that caused many to sigh and shake their head, especially at his nii-san's claim to the androgynous quality of the outfit; from Momiji, a heavy box of her favorite chocolates, imported from Europe; and from Shigure, a wicker bassinet for the early days she would have to keep the child beside her.

As the time came for his present, Yuki could not suppress his nervousness as he worked his way through the sea of ribbon and discarded wrapping paper. He smiled softly, offering her his hand. Her hand in his, he beckoned her to follow him up the stairs and into the hallway. Opening the door to what was his room only months before; he turned back to her with his heart jumbled in a mixture of nerves and excitement. "This is my gift, Tohru."

-----------------------------------------

Three months later, he could still remember her reaction with as much vividness as if it had been yesterday. Her tears of joy and her excited laughter, as she flew into the newly constructed nursery with all the speed she could manage. She had whispered to him broken, nearly unintelligible words of gratitude, embracing him (as much as she could) repeatedly, kissing him. He remember the heat of his blush, and then the power behind his own smile as he watched her and Kagura, who tended to take on the role of mother hen, whirling around the room, examining each object with excited chatter and rapt appreciation. He never could have asked for a better reaction.

He watched her now in the same way he had that day, leaning against the open doorway, arms folded across his chest as he regarded her with a small smile. Between the demanding hours required of him in relation to university classes, he spent more of his time here than he did his own apartment. It had grown to the point where his own bed could be left cold for nearly a week in favor of Shigure's couch. In retrospect, he wondered why he had bothered moving out in the first place, when every day, something inside him pushed him to make the commute back to Sohma property.

In his bedroom turned nursery, Tohru stood before the changing table beside the cradle in the far corner, humming contently to herself as she folded newly washed baby clothing. Though many of the various outfits, a mixture of clothing for both boys and girls and several garments that could be considered unisex, were slightly faded and worn, all were in relatively good condition. Clothing that had been put away and forgotten for over a decade in many cases finally had new purpose, offered cheerfully by the many of the parents of the younger Jyuunishi. Though Tohru had been reluctant to accept the offerings, the insistence of so many generous people, as she said, had overwhelmed her.

Yuki was glad she had accepted. Even if she had not refused his desire to help support her and the child to come, they were both strapped for funds.

He had been pushing hard on his already thin finances to complete the nursery, but in the end, it was all for Tohru, so how could he not? Though not renowned for any type of artistic ability, he had completed nearly every inch of the room on his own.

The walls were done in shades of blue and white in a pattern resembling summer skies, simply decorated with bureau, rocking chair, cradle, and changing table. The home crafted mobile hanging delicately above the cradle was a favorite of everyone, a colorful miniature of Jyuunishi animal dangling from each ring.

One wall was devoted entirely to a incredibly realistic mural depicted an old-fashioned airplane flying high among a flock of seagulls, a sparkling blue ocean stretching out in the background. This had been Haru and Momiji's work, Haru with his artistic talents and Momiji with his boundless, childlike imagination. Both younger boys had denied the right to claim credit for the work, finding satisfaction in the simple joy of Tohru's reaction much as Yuki had.

Suddenly, the content, peaceful air surrounding the room was invaded by a sharp, whimpering gasp from Tohru, as she abruptly dropped the clothes she had been holding, arms clutching around her rounded abdomen.

Yuki was at her side in an instant. "Tohru? What is it? What's wrong?"

She squeezed his hand in almost a painful grip, struggling to respond between gasping breaths. "It's- it's the baby, Yuki-kun. I think I've gone into labor."

--------------------------------

Six Sohma males paced anxiously along the busy corridor of the hospital, threatening to wear trenches into the tiled floor. All of them, from the carefree Momiji to the usually stoic Haru and Hatori, were unusually jittery, unnerved by the lapsed amount of time that had passed since Tohru had been rushed into the delivery room.

From her place in a nearby waiting chair, Kagura watched them with a small smile of amusement, shaking her head as she patted Kisa's hand reassuringly. The younger girl sat beside her, pale and worried, her opposite hand tightly clutching Hiro's. For his part, the young ram was uncharacteristically quiet, his arm around Kisa, and the slightest hint of anxiety beginning to show through his habitual expression of irritation.

"It's alright, Kisa-chan," Kagura said softly, smiling at the girl, "Tohru-chan will be just fine." She turned her gaze pointedly toward the males. "The same goes to you lot, especially you, Yun-chan, Haru-chan, Momiji-chan. Shii-chan, Tori-chan, you two are adults. You ought to know better. You're just going to make the boys more nervous."

The two men, exchanging slightly guilty expressions, nodded and took their seats. That did not stop, however, the occasional tapping of a foot or the nervous twitching of a finger. Kagura suppressed her amused laughter. Tohru-chan had melted the ice in the adults as effectively as she had changed the youngercousins among them.

Yuki cursed under his breath, throwing up his hands with a growl of frustration. "I can't stand it anymore! Her contractions started hours ago! Is it supposed to take this long!"

Haru rested a hand on his shoulder, hoping to calm him down, but Yuki only shrugged him away, irritably running his hands through his hair. Hatori sighed, suddenly seeming tired and older, despite his relatively young age. "You just need to be patient, Yuki. A labor can last any number of hours. These things take time." Beside him, Shigure nodded his agreement in the middle of a wide-mouthed yawn, rubbing his hand over sagging eyes and a day's growth of whiskers.

"Yuki's right," Momiji whispered, turning fearful eyes over each of the others in search of some kind of reassurance, "It's been forever. What if something's gone wrong with Tohru or the baby?"

"They'll both be alright, Momiji-chan," Kagura said gently, "We just have to believe in that."

Momiji nodded, as he closed his eyes, his face twisting in pain. Haru slipped an arm across his back, gently squeezing his shoulders. Momiji accepted the comfort, leaning his head tiredly against his cousin.

Yuki sighed, subdued for now, casting a longing gaze toward the delivery room door. "I wish she had allowed one of us in there with her."

Kagura wrinkled her nose. "Yun-chan, I hate to tell you this, but Hanajima-san and Uotani were probably the better choice. I don't think Tohru-chan would have appreciated one of you guys in there with her. Besides, any one of you would have fainted in no time. All that blood…"

Yuki went deathly pale. "Blood?"

Hiro stirred then, staring at the elder with suspicion. "Are you sure you're studying to be a doctor?"

Before Yuki could retort, a doctor came trudging through the swinging door, exhausted but smiling in his scrubs, stripping the mask from his face. "Hatori Sohma-san? Shigure Sohma-san? I'm Doctor Mijuri. I'm the one who delivered Honda-san's baby?"

Both Sohma men shook the doctor's hand, unable to hide their anxiousness any longer. "Are they alright?" several of the waiting blurted out.

Mijuri blinked, his surprise soon replaced by a warm smile. "Why don't you come see for yourself?"

The Jyuunishi followed the doctor one by one into the hospital room, relieved and elated to find Tohru resting peacefully in her bed, alit with a glow that went beyond mere health as she raised her eyes from the bundle in her arms to greet them. Saki and Arisa stood one either side of her, Hanajima's noncommittal countenance melted away, the same with any guarded bravado Uotani kept as habit. Replaced the same ineffectual happiness radiating from Tohru.

"Yuki-kun, Shigure-san, Hatori-san, Kisa-san, Kagura-san, Momiji-kun, Hatsuharu-san, Ayame-san, Hiro-san, you're all here."

"Of course we are, my little flower," Shigure said with a sly smile.

"We could never miss the birth for our dear newest family member," Ayame nodded, flourishing a dramatic bow.

Yuki rolled his eyes at his brother's flamboyance, stepping closer to stand at Tohru's bedside. "Are you alright, Tohru? Nothing went wrong?"

Tohru shook her head. "Iie, Yuki-kun. Everything went fine." She regarded him with a beautiful smile. "Would you like to hold him, Yuki-kun?"

Yuki blinked. "It's a boy?" At Tohru's affirmative answer, he nodded vigorously. "Yes. I'd love to hold him."

Tohru gently laid the infant in his arms, murmuring advice to the unsure young man, how to mind his head, how to support his weight. He tentatively brushed his fingers against the crown of soft hair, coppery wisps of hair as fine as down.

Yuki cradled the child, watching as sleepy eyes fluttered open, thick lashes parting to reveal vermilion eyes, their amber red as brillant as fire, and eerily echoing of his father.

Yuki glanced up, seeing the same awed expression on the face of each Jyuunishi as he was sure he was showing himself. He felt the change inside, the elation and the power. The force that pulled inside of him was strong, shifting more powerfully than their forced bond to each other and their god ever could. This was it. This child was their hope.

-------------------------------------------

In the dark confines of his prison, Kyou awoke once more in the stricken, violent aftermath of a dream. He swallowed convulsively, throwing an arm over his eyes more in effort to block out the dream's lingering traces than the nonexistent light. He choked softly, forcing out the words from a dry and parched throat not used in months. "Dear Kami, let it be only the longing of my heart and nothing more. Let it be only a dream. Please."

Gazing upward at a ceiling he could not see, his voice was broken, thick with unshed tears. "Oh, gods. A child…Gods, what have I done? A child…"

"Tohru…I'm so sorry."

-------------------------------

That's it for chapter five. Next one should be coming out soon. Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving!

Ja ne, Dan'yu


	6. Miracle

**Hold On**

By Dan'yu

**Chapter Six: Miracle**

_She was beautiful in the baby blue sundress Kagura had picked out for her, complete with matching sandals, the ribbons holding back her hair in a darker shade of blue. Kyou smiled fondly. Even after everything that had passed between them, she was still so endearingly innocent, with the blush staining her complexion and her shy smile. She stood alone, oddly enough, Kyou noted as he crossed the crowded room toward her. _

_Uotani and Hanajima stood nearby, a respectful distance away but close enough to be to her rescue if there was trouble. As much as they tried to hide it behind small talk and glasses of punch, the worried glances they continually cast in her direction spoke volumes. It was obvious she had asked for privacy. The reason why was enough to make his heart sink. _

_She lifted her gaze towards him, and their eyes met. Keeping their gazes locked, Kyou struggled with himself, fighting against the overwhelming urge to run to her, hold her close to him, and never let go. He had never been good with words; it was inevitable that he tripped over his tongue or said the wrong thing. There was so much he wanted to say to her, so much that he could never say. The paradox warred inside, ripping into his heart as he came to a stop beside her. _

_Without a word, her hand briefly brushed against his, and they slowly made their way toward the doorway leading to the kitchen in an effort of privacy. Kyou was painfully aware of the rapt attention being paid to them by the pair of Jyuunishi in the corner, Hatori solemn as ever but guilt and pain evident in his stony expression, Shigure unusually serious and frowning. _

_She refused to look at him again, her eyes tracing over anything else but him, fidgeting uncomfortably; finally settling for standing demurely, her head bowed, hands folded before her. _

_Kyou gulped hard as he struggled to salvage what small shreds of courage he had left. "Tohru," he said simply, quietly. _

_When she did not answer, he stepped closer, reaching out to cradle her face in his hands, gently turning her head toward him. "Look at me, please."_

_She complied to his request, shocking him as she faced him, blue eyes slick with tears. She cupped her hands over his, closing her eyes against the threat of further tears, her body trembling. "G-Gomen. I really don't mean to cry. I told myself I wouldn't shed any tears."_

_"Koishii, it's alright." He brought her as close as he dared, resting his forehead against hers as he whispered reassurances into her ear, gentle words that brought comfort even as they made little sense. Her body wracked with silent sobs, and tears shone in her eyes, but they never fell. With a single shuddering breath to regain her composure, she faced him once more with a level gaze. _

_Kyou swallowed. "Tohru…"_

_Tohru struggled to give him a reassuring smile, the slight lifting of her lips too full of melancholy to accomplish her goal. She traced her fingers along the line of the jaw, feeling the contrast between the rough hint of stubble along his chin and the smooth skin of his cheek. "You don't have to say anything, Kyou."_

_"Even if I did, I don't think I could find the words." He paused for a moment, continuing with a soft sigh. "Tohru…about last night. Are you alright? I wasn't too rough, was I?"_

_This time, as she smiled, the gesture was genuine if still underlined with anguish, warming him inside to see the love so evident in her eyes. "No, Kyou. I'm fine. You were very gentle with me."_

_"You did what you set out to do, Tohru. You kept your promise to your mother."_

_She glanced at him, her eyes strangely bright. "H-Hai."_

_She touched her hands to his face, her skin warm against his, tracing her fingers over the contours and angles of his countenance, her eyes following every movement as if to put to memory every detail about him. _

_And suddenly she kissed him, her mouth a warm softness against his, and he enveloped her in his arms, deepening the kiss with all the desperation and pain he had locked away inside. He let the emotions wash over him, feeling as if he was drowning, wanting to beg her to never let him go, wanting her to make him leave so not to hurt her. As he pulled away, he was shocked once more to discover tears in his own eyes, but like her, he did not let them fall. _

_They stood together in the silence, for a single moment, for infinite eternity; it did not matter. They said not another word, even as Shigure and Hatori came to fetch him, and he kissed her once more, no longer caring who would see, grasping her hand until he could no longer hold on to her. She mouthed a silent "I love you," and he watched her until she disappeared from view, his limbs failing him as the two men resorted to dragging him between them, his heart screaming against everything. _

--------------------------------

"Have you decided what you're going to name him, Tohru-chan?" Kagura asked as she watched Yuki awkwardly settle the infant in his arms, any discomfort overshadowed by the awed expression he displayed.

Tohru watched the young man and infant interact with a smile, turning her attention to Kagura at her question. "Hai. I think I'd like to call him Katsuya."

"After your father?" Yuki asked, as he reluctantly handed Katsuya off to the next eager receiver, Momiji. "Be careful now, Momiji."

Momiji held the baby securely, but delicately in his arms. "I know. Support his head, just like Tohru said."

"Yes. After Dad," Tohru answered, her eyes on Momiji, who sat on the chair beside the hospital bed, his head bent over the child as he made comical faces to elicit the baby's first smiles.

"Don't hog him now, Momichi!" Ayame said with an exuberant flourish of his hand, "The rest of us want a chance to see this darling child as well." Behind him, Shigure was nodded vigorously in agreement.

"You two shouldn't be allowed near any child," Yuki commented darkly, as he glowered at them from his place at Tohru's side, "Who knows how you'll corrupt him."

Tohru reached out and lightly touched his arm, turning his attention back to her. "It's alright, Yuki-kun. Everyone should have a chance to hold him."

Kagura could not suppress her smile as she watched the way Yuki gave in without a second thought at Tohru's gentle insistence. Kyou had been much the same way, any bravado melting away in an instant in the wake of a smile or touch from Tohru. In light of what was supposed to be a happy occasion, she did her best to banish away the darker feelings that came with thought of Kyou, though it was not easy, especially with he and Tohru's son resting so peacefully now in Haru's arms, the ox's usual blank expression abandoned in favor of the same wonder they all seemed to display in the child's presence.

She could not help but think, that if she felt this intense a feeling of loss at the lack of Kyou's presence, she could not imagine the torment Tohru must be in. She and Kyou had found and lost each other in the matter of a day.

Kagura shook her head to dispel the depressing direction her thoughts had taken. Today was a call for celebration, and she was not going to ruin it with her melancholy. In an effort to distract herself, she tuned in to the quiet conversation taking place between Tohru and her friends.

"It's a nice thought," Uotani was saying, "To name the kid after your old man. Though it would have been cool if he had been a girl, and you could name him after Kyoko-san."

"Perhaps someday Tohru will have such a daughter," Hanajima replied vaguely, her gaze focused on the child in question, being passed along through the male members of the Jyuunishi. As dark and foreboding as the other woman seemed, Kagura could not help but take a liking to her, for she had seen displayed time and time again just how deep her devotion as one of Tohru's best friends was. Uotani was much the same way, a rough and tumble type of person to be sure; Kagura remembered hearing from Yuki or Kyou that she had once been a Yankee, but she was softhearted toward Tohru, and equally as protective and supportive as Hanajima. A person could not ask for better friends, especially for someone as loving and naïve as Tohru was.

Said naïve and loving girl blushed prettily as the implication of her having another child, shaking her head slightly. "Ano, I don't know about that. I'll have my hand full with Katsuya-chan for now, I think." She blinked, suddenly realizing what she had said. "Not that having Katsuya-chan is any kind of burden! I'm very happy to be a mother."

"Of course you are," Shigure told her, patting her hand as he balanced the dozing Katsuya in the crook of one arm, oblivious to Tohru's frantic gesturing, "But my dear flower, motherhood is a great burden! Especially for one so young! You can guarantee we will all be here to support you every step of the way."

"Be careful with that baby, Shigure!" Hatori snapped at him.

Shigure pouted in a child-like matter. "But Haa-san, I am being careful!"

Hatori took the baby for him then, scowling at the other man as he adjusted Katsuya's place against his shoulder, even more awkward with the newborn than Yuki had been. "Even the boys did not treat him like a sack of potatoes, Shigure. Yuki may have had a point about distancing you from such an impressionable child.

Shigure clutched his hand to his chest in a dramatic gesture. "You wound me, Haa-san. Truly you do."

As she watched Hatori exhaustedly rub his temples, a familiar habit of his whenever tired or stressed, Kagura noted a slight nervous twitch to his eye. She sympathized with him, for it was her experience that anyone with prolonged exposure to Shigure's erratic behavior was guaranteed to be driven a little crazy.

As he lowered his hands from his face, Hatori sighed, any exhaustion to be seen in his face fading into his habitual deadpan expression as he regarded Tohru. "Honda-kun, did everything check out with young Katsuya? Did everything go alright?"

Kagura smiled. That was Tori-san for you. Ever the professional doctor.

"Yes, Hatori-san," Tohru answered as she accepted the sleeping Katsuya once more, "Thank you for your concern. Dr. Mijuri-san said that Katsuya-chan was perfectly healthy."

"I'm glad to hear it."

Watching Tohru cradle her son close, her expression warm with a new mother's love and affection, Kagura felt a strange pang inside. She frowned as the source of the strange emotion eluded her, just a quiet kind of sadness that welled up inside. Whether it was her own lack of motherhood, or the familiar feeling of loss that came with the inability to hold any boy-child, or a remembered sorrow to mourn the lack of loving parents for many of her fellow Jyuunishi, she did not know.

Raising her head from her fussing over the sleeping infant, Tohru turned her gaze to regard each of them slowly, her eyes lingering slightly longer on Kagura herself, and then finally coming to rest on Kisa and Hiro.

"Hiro-san" Would you like to hold him?"

Hiro scoffed, looking away with a bored, slightly irritated expression. "Of course I don't," he replied nonchantantly. Kagura caught the flash of concern in his eyes, however, as he slid a sidelong look in Kisa's direction. His face clouded, and he made no secret of it this time as his eyes rested fully on Kisa. "Although, I think Kisa would like to."

A diverse number of reactions spread through the Jyuunishi and others present in the wake of Hiro's statement, varying between shock and surprise, caution and anger, pain and sadness, and the confusion generated by Uotani and Hanajima as they remained oblivious to the reason for the sudden tension in the room. Even Kisa looked at him with different degrees of shock and elation.

For her part, Hanajima hid her confusion well, even as it quickly faded into suspicion. Her dark eyes seemed impossibly knowing, eerily omnipotent as they passed over each person assembled, trying to decipher the mysteries about them, understanding implications only she could see. "Arisa," she said softly, "I think Tohru will be fine without us for a short time. Why don't we go to the cafeteria for some coffee? I'm sure it's probably not the best quality, but we could both use the extra momentum after such a long night."

Uotani regarded her with a bewildered glance, confused no doubt at the strange undercurrents to her friend's tone. In the end, she only shrugged. "Alright. We'll be back in a bit then. Okay, Tohru?"

Tohru's smile was bright and infectious. "Yes. Thank you so much, Uo-chan, Hana-chan. I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am for everything you've done for Katsuya-chan and I."

Kagura was not sure what shocked her more about the following reactions, the tears that suddenly appeared in Uotani's eyes, her exuberant embrace as she threw her arms around Tohru's neck, or the new light Hanajima's smile brought to her rather stoic face.

Uotani, who she had not known to be so emotional, was practically gushing. "Oh, you're so adorable, Tohru! And you don't have to thank us. You know we'd do anything for you."

The brightness of Tohru's smile became positively radiant. "Yes. That's why I must thank you. I have done little to deserve such wonderful friends."

When Hanajima finally managed to drag Uotani away, the room was once more enveloped in an uncomfortable, almost stifling silence. After everyone had remained frozen and unsure of themselves for several moments, Hatsuharu was the first to speak up. "Neither Kisa or Kagura-nee's zodiac form are very big," he said softly, "If we lock the door and keep watch, I don't see why they can't hold the little guy." He blinked, turning his eyes toward Tohru. "That is, if it's alright with Honda-san."

Tohru was momentarily startled as everyone's attention suddenly shifted toward her. "Oh! Of course it's alright. If Kagura-san and Kisa-san would like to?"

Kisa smiled, a hint of excitement creeping into her expression, but Kagura did her best to remain impassive despite the anticipation that swelled up inside her. Not even when her younger cousins were born, was she allowed to hold a male baby. If only such a thing could be allowed…

As expected, Hatori frowned sternly. "Hatsuharu, you know we can't risk such a thing. I'm sorry, Kagura, Kisa, but you know we can't-"

"And why not?" Yuki interrupted, the uncharacteristic sharp bite to his tone a sure sign of the stress of the past evening, "If Tohru says it's fine, why shouldn't they be given the chance?"

Hatori's frown deepened, adding lines to his stern face that Kagura had not realized were there before. Hatori was so serious, and so dedicated to protecting all of them; he would always look older than he really was.

The dragon gave in with a defeated sigh. "Fine. I'll wait outside the door. Yuki, Hatsuharu, make sure the door is locked after me, and make sure someone is nearby in case the transformation is triggered."

Yuki and Haru nodded, sharing a small smile between them as they did as told. Kagura moved obediently as Haru put a hand on her shoulder, guiding her to sit down in the chair they set before Tohru's bed. Yuki went to lock the door, as Haru stood behind her, a silent pillar of strength and support as he was for everyone. Yuki returned quietly to Tohru's side, lifting Katsuya from her, more deft and sure of himself now, and gently placed the baby in Kagura's arms.

The strange sensation of physical contact spread through her like wildfire, the small bundle of warmth instinctually nestling closer to her. Inwardly, she panicked as the tiny male body pressed into her, but she sensed the reassuring presence of the others nearby if anything went array. The warmth washed over her in a gentle tide, and Kagura's mouth curved into a small smile as she cradled the baby close, closing her eyes as she awaited the inevitable transformation.

A moment passed. And then a second, and a third. Several moments passed, but nothing occurred. Kagura's eyes flew open, incredulous, as she saw the same thunderstruck, amazed expression passing over the countenances of the people assembled.

"H-how is this possible?" Kagura said softly, hating the shaky quality to her own voice as she stared down at the child in her arms, still peacefully dozing and oblivious to the distress he was causing to his older counterparts. She suddenly felt the pressure of two large hands on her shoulder, angling back her head to see Haru's serene gray eyes staring back at her. She had not realized she had been trembling until he moved to steady her. She placed a hand over one of his, giving it a light squeeze as she quietly thanked him, leaning back against him.

Seeing the two of them regain their composure seemed to jolt the other occupants of the room back to reality. Realizing she had been gaping, Tohru blinked, mortified color staining her cheeks. Momiji was grinning so widely, Kagura was not sure if anything could outshine the radiance of his smile.

"Oi, Yuki," Haru said quietly, a hint of mischief in his eyes, "You might want to close your mouth. You'll catch flies that way."

Yuki quickly snapped his jaw shut, his blush vividly darker than Tohru's, sending a indignant glare in Haru's direction. Haru only grinned in response.

To get their attention, Hiro stomped his foot, folding his arms as his startled state formed into a scowl. "Joking aside, can anyone explain why Kagura-nee is able to hold that stupid woman's brat?"

Kisa lightly touched his arm. "Hiro-chan, you shouldn't talk that way about Oneechan and Katsuya-chan."

Hiro looked instantly guilty, and he sighed. "Alright. Gomen, Kisa."

Shigure exhaled sharply, brushing a stray lock of hair from his eyes as he regarded the company with a wry grin. "To be honest, Hiro-kun, I have no idea why Kagura-chan is able to hold Katsuya-kun. No matter what the reason, this is a cause for celebration, ne?"

Ayame beamed and clapped his hands together, delighted. "Yes, yes. This is a cause for celebration. I think dear Kisa-chan should have a turn, don't you think?"

"Of course, Aya! How could I be so thoughtless? I'm so glad you're here to provide such wisdom, Aya. What do you say, Kisa-chan?"

"Oh." Kisa smiled shyly, averting her eyes to stare at the tiled floor. "Um…yes, I would like that very much."

-------------------------------

Isuzu Sohma was beyond irritated.

To make matters worse, she had no idea who to direct her irritation towards, whether Gure-nii for his manipulations that piqued her curiosity in the first place, casually mentioning that woman's pregnancy; or that same damnable woman for deciding to have her child on one of the coldest days of the year. Or herself, for daring to come out on such a blustery day in nothing more than a thin coat.

Tori-nii was always bugging her to take better care of herself. Perhaps the nosy dragon had a point after all.

In the end, it really didn't matter whose fault it was, because by the time she walked through the hospital doors, she felt like a human icicle.

She knew her dark expression was guaranteed to intimidate the poor nurse at the front desk, but she couldn't bring herself to care as she snapped out her demand for Tohru Honda's room number with all the gentleness of a viper.

And it didn't matter if she was family or not. Sometimes the Sohma name had its uses.

The woman was sleeping as she entered the room, surprising alone after she had heard the other Jyuunishi had practically smothered her with attention since her pregnancy began.

The woman's face was exhausted but peaceful, lit with a content smile that Rin envied even though she didn't want to. Why should she care about this woman?

But when she thought about it, hadn't this woman, Tohru Honda, given so much for them? As much as she hated to think about it, she could see the changes in every one of her fellow Jyuunishi.

Thoughts of the others Jyuunishi brought back memories of Haru, and despite her best efforts, she could not banish away the contemplations.

Momiji, who had always hidden his truth behind childish behavior and carefree laughter, seemed less lonely now.

Hatori, who had pulled in on himself even worse than before after his loss of Kana; his icy persona was melting away once more.

Ritsu, who blamed himself for the world's every problem, was surer of himself, more self-assured. When she had last seen him at New Year's, not having to deal with a spastic blowout was a welcome change.

Kisa, who had given up all hope after the teasing at school became so bad, had opened up the most of all to show them all what a bright, inquisitive young girl she was. Haru, as protective of Kisa as he was of Yuki and herself, had been so grateful to Tohru Honda for implementing that change.

Even Hiro, who had always been so sharp-tongued, so caustic, seemed to have softened somehow, seeming gentle. Especially toward Kisa. The obviousness of Hiro's crush on her sent up red flags for all the Jyuunishi. As happy as Rin was for him, the softhearted little monster, the raw memory of Hatori's pain with Kana, and her own self-imposed separation from Haru after Akito had taken out her wrath, all of it served as a blatant reminder of the consequences to be paid for liaisons among the cursed.

Yuki…her animosity toward the nezumi spawned from his favor by Akito, disturbing for anyone unlucky enough to be a favorite of their god, but as her past relationship with Haru had grown and deepened, she could not help being influenced by his fondness for Yuki.

Yuki was one of those who had changed the most. More outspoken, sure of himself, gentler and more concerned about the welfare of other people instead of what they thought of him. Certainly a far cry from the fragile boy she had visited with Haru when they were children, a scared creature she had hated and pitied for his fear, while Haru had been so intent to shelter him.

Her eyes strayed to the infant sleeping in the bassinet next to the bed. A baby boy, she noted from the blue sleeper he wore, and small for his age…thirty-six weeks, maybe? She was not sure.

He was small, but healthy, his pallor flushed with hearty color. He seemed so tiny, fragile, but he was a beautiful child, the delicacy of his features echoing of his mother's influence, but from there on the resemblance to another was unmistakable. The boy was essentially his father's son, from the shape of his nose and mouth, the slope of his eyes, the strong set of his jaw and cheekbones, all the way to the thick thatch of rusty hair dotting his head. He was Kyou's son through and through.

Kyou…the two of them never really got along, but that was no reason to condemn him to the horrible cage. No one deserved something like that, to be left alone in that never-ending darkness…nowhere to hide from Akito's wrath, no one to run to. Nothing but the dark and Akito's vengeance. No one should be subjected to that.

Memories of her own imprisonment and near torture at Akito's hands still sent chills down her spine.

Tentatively, cautiously, internally reprimanding herself for such an irrational fear, she reached out to touch him, her fingers gently brushing against the tufts of fiery hair at his crown.

"Isuzu-san…?"

The soft, questioning voice broke through the room's comfortable silence, everything inside her screaming with alert tension. Her back stiffened, but she did not turn around, instead opting to study the other woman over her shoulder.

She had been right in her earlier assessment that the other seemed tired, but that was to be expected with a newborn, but what really caught her attention was the old shadow of sorrow in her eyes, something she had always seen lingering there, but much stronger now, culminated through the months of her and Kyou's forced separation.

Rin wanted to reprimand this girl for her stupidity, to tell her once and for all that this was the price to be paid by any outsider who dared to interfere with the Sohma clan, but she could do no such thing. Her heart sank at the thought, an anxious knotting in her stomach as her mouth refused to form the words.

This girl had loved and accepted Kyou. Kyou, who everyone had turned away from, outcasted and hated. This girl had been through the worst with him, and still her devotion to him had not been deterred. It was something to be admired, Rin had to admit.

"Isuzu-san, would you like to hold him?"

_Hold him?_ Rin looked up, startled. "Hold him? What do you mean? You ought to know I can't do that."

Tohru smiled, the hint of elation in the gesture managing to overshadow the underlying sadness. "We can't explain it, Isuzu-san, but Kagura-san and Kisa-san were able to hold him without transforming. You should be able to the same."

Her mind reeling with the new discovery, Rin turned her gaze back to the sleepy child. So small, so fragile…if she touched him, would he break? Would she bring him pain like she did to everyone else, from Haru and this girl? What right did she have to do so?

Slowly, she shook her head, turning back to Tohru with a hint of a wry smile on her lips. "You, Tohru Honda, are a fool. But I don't think I've ever seen a braver fool."

She turned away before she could see the girl's reaction or hear a reply. Tohru's voice stopped her one last time in the doorway. "Isuzu-san? His name…it is Katsuya."

_Katsuya…Sohma _

Rin nodded, and moved to exit the room.

The moment she soundlessly closed the door behind her, the pressure of a hand locked around her wrist. She whirled around, intent on reprimanding whoever the other was on their nerve, but the retort died unsaid on her tongue as she found herself staring into a pair of all-too familiar eyes.

_Haru…_

His eyes were gentle as he tilted his head curiously, inquiery evident in their depths of steel gray. "Rin…fancy seeing you here."

She did not reply, feeling suddenly uncomfortable as the gaze in those eyes focused, the intensity of emotion that was so very Hatsuharu coming to lock on her alone.

"Did you come here to see Honda-san and her baby? What did she think?"

She shrugged indifferently, keeping her eyes away from his. Why was it that he managed to make such an innocent exchange between them seem anything but casual? The tone of his voice, the quiet whisper of longing in his eyes. _Gods, Haru, just look away…_

He did not comply to the silent order, but then, he had always been good at doing what he wanted. "Rin," he whispered, too close for comfort as he ghosted a hand against her face, brushing back long hair to trace his fingers against her cheek. "What did you think of the baby, Katsuya?"

"He's Kyou's son, that much is obvious." She turned her eyes at his silent prompting, feeling a new defense collapse with every second. What was so different about today of all days that she should be so weak to his advances? "Haru…what do you want from me?"

His lips curved into a smile, his fingers still busy at work, running through her hair, toying with the shell of her ear. As his thumb brushed over her lips, she shuddered. "Have coffee with me. Not here, at this place I know. It's just a little down the road, easy to walk to."

Could there be any doubt about the answer she would give him?

-------------------------

"Kyou…mean Kyou…"

The sound of the familiar voice, far too cheerful for its own good, roused Kyou from his slumber. He blinked, trying to bring his eyes into focus even as he tried to adjust his mind to the strange invasion of natural light.

The source of the light came in the open hole, located near the door, where as clear as day was Momiji's idiotically smiling face. "M-Momiji?" Again, the unused voice came out hoarse and broken, the weakness of the sound so uncharacteristic for Kyou it was unnerving.

"Kyou, I have news for you." Any serious quality to Momiji's tone would be enough to draw anyone's attention.

"What is it?"

"You're a father, Kyou."


	7. Family

**Hold On**

By Dan'yu

Chapter Seven: Family 

For the two years they had lived together, their interactions had greatly resembled a dance. Not the perfect, flawless synchronization of professionals, but the shy, fumbling attempts of two youths making the shaky transitions from polite courtesy to an awkward friendship that slowly transformed into a closeness they could share with no other, as they struggled to find a balance between them and fought for understanding.

Her memories of him she treasured greater than any material possession could be held dear. Those rare times she could remember him, without the tears, when she could recollect with a smile the shy, brazen young man who had become so much a part of her heart without even trying. Before either of them had realized it, she had come to love him so completely.

Memories continued to waltz through her mind, and she remembered his face, the angry scowls he directed toward anyone who confused or discomforted him, the arrogant smirks he sported as he reveled in any moment his strength was superior, the bitter expression of hatred that twisted his features as he came face to face with his clan's discrimination of him, the shadow of pain that crossed his visage whenever he recalled his painful past.

But most of all, it was the little changes she remembered the most, his light, awkward smiles, his shy blushes, the way his eyes would soften when he thought no one was watching, his radiant expression in his Shishou's presence, one of the few moments of happiness he allowed others to see, the intensity of his love as he gazed down at her, as he kissed her for the first and last times. His flushed face, sweat-soaked hair plastered against his forehead, as he towered over her, moving them both in a dance of love and pleasure as he made love to her the night before graduation.

With every day that passed, she saw more and more of Kyou in their son. Katsuya grew quickly, and with each year he grew older, he became more and more his father's mirror. It was there in his hair, a vibrant fiery color that nearly glowed beneath the sunlight, it was in the same strong profile, the shape of his jaw and nose, the brillant amber red of his eyes. Katsuya Sohma grew older, and with each passing year, he became more a reflection of everything she had lost.

And in the eve of their son's fourth birthday, nothing of her longing for Kyou had lessened.

_It had been a night nearly a year before their graduation, before their lives had become so darkened by revelations and the ever looming shadow of his imprisonment. They were both seventeen, and still so shy around one another. It had been a strange phase, caught between knowing and wondering how the other felt, struggling between the trepidation and elation that warred inside at the thought of the love they both felt. _

_She had come out to sit beside him on the roof, beneath the starry expanses of the sky. She was grateful for the dark capable of hiding her blush as she slipped her hand into his, their hands entwining without preamble, tightly, reassuringly. _

_The air grew cooler, taking on a biting edge she had not prepared for. He had caught notice of her trembling, shaking his head with a light of amusement in his eyes, wrapping his jacket around her slight frame as he gently rapped his knuckles against her forehead, reprimanding her for being foolish. _

_He had gazed down at her, his eyes warm but unreadable, his arm around her shoulders, trying to provide what warmth he could. "You're always taking care of the rest of us. It wouldn't hurt to worry about yourself from time to time too."_

_She felt her face warm with mortification, but she smiled as she hesitantly moved closer to him, leaning her head against his shoulder. He glanced down at her, momentarily startled before relaxing at her proximity, turning his eyes back to the stars above them. _

_"…Kyou-kun…?"_

_"Hmm?"_

_"Have you…have you ever thought about children?"_

_"Children?"_

_"Yes. I don't mean children in general, but children of your own. Have you ever thought about it?"_

_"No…I've never really thought about it. My…future, Tohru, I try not to give it much thought. And I really don't think I'd be fit as a father. Could you really see me as a parent?"_

_"Hai, I could."_

_"Really?"_

_"Hmm…you have a very kind heart, Kyou-kun, and you greatly care for the people who matter to you. I think that is all you would need. You would be a wonderful father."_

_He leaned his head against hers, casting wondering eyes down at her. "You really think so?"_

_"Hmm-mm."_

_He smiled fondly, tightening his arms around her. "You'd be a lot better at it than I would, Tohru. You were just born to be a mother."_

_He watched her blink sleepy eyes, felt her smile as she nestled deeper into his half-embrace. "What brought all this up?" he asked gently. _

_She sighed softly. "I was just thinking. I see Hiro-san and Kisa-san growing up so fast, and I see Hiro-san with his new sister, and it makes me wonder. I think about my mom, and I wonder what it would be like to have a child, if I would be a good mother."_

_He brushed a light kiss against the crown of her head, grateful for the drowsy state that could banish both their shyness. "You would be a fantastic mother, Tohru. You can believe that. By the way, what would you rather have? A son or a daughter?"_

_"I don't really know, either one would be wonderful. I think as long as the baby was healthy, it wouldn't matter. What about you, Kyou-kun?"_

_"Hmm…I think, like you said, that it wouldn't matter as long as he or she was healthy, and I wouldn't mind a son. But…I think…I would really like a daughter."_

_A daughter, Tohru…just as sweet as you. _

_--------------------------_

"Horsey! Horsey, Yuki-jiisan."

Yuki Sohma grinned as Katsuya's exuberant shout echoed through the early February air, followed by gleeful laughter as he bent forward to allow the child to launch onto his back. He leaped back up, jostling the boy on his back, eliciting a giggle from his nephew.

"Katsuya-kun! Sohma-san!"

Both Sohma males glanced back balefully to see the head of Katsuya's nursery school, a tall, wiry woman with wire-rimmed glasses perched upon the end of a hawk-like nose, a stern countenance furthered by thin lips twisted into a disapproving frown as she shook a finger at them. "Please, Sohma-san, refrain from such horseplay on school grounds."

As Yuki nodded submissively, maintaining his best repentant expression, the woman favored them both with a satisfied nod, turning away to shout at a nearby group of children. Yuki lifted the young boy off his back, his expression changing into an exaggerated imitation of the woman's stern visage and her wagging finger. Katsuya broke down in a fit of snickers.

Attempting to shush the boy in fear of rousing the attention once more of the demonic woman, Yuki caught sight of another woman approaching them from across the schoolyard, the youngest of the four women who ran the nursery school.

She watched them with an amused smile, highlighting a pretty face accented by almond-shaped green eyes and long black hair pulled back into a modest ponytail. A slim, athletic figure caught his eye, outfitted in a casual but stylish pair of black dress pants and lavender blouse.

She caught his eye, and as she offered him a friendly wave, he noticed the other arm occupied by what seemed to be a clay figure of some kind. He eyed it curiously before returning her wave, glancing down to see Katsuya's excited smile, genuinely happy to see his favorite teacher.

_Miya Reika, twenty years old, attractive, single, half-American, a native of Tokyo, a sophomore in college, studying to be a teacher. Loves dogs, books, and children; works part-time at Katsuya's school as a way to pay for classes. _

Yuki mentally winced, as his mind continued to offer the facts he had learned about the woman in the year and a half since their first meeting. Like the professor in his psychology classes loved to emphasize, a person should look for the signs of the subconscious speaking. On his part, his mind could not be more blatantly obvious.

Pulled back from the reflections he had indulged in while watching Katsuya excitedly talking with his teacher, Yuki responded to Reika's soft-spoken question with an apologetic smile. "Gomen nasai, Miya-san, I did not hear you. I was lost in thought."

Reika returned the smile, putting Yuki in danger of blushing like a schoolboy as he realized just how pretty she was. "It's alright, Sohma-san. I was just asking how you were."

"Oh, I'm fine. How are you, Miya-san? Are your classes alright?"

"Hai, they're very good. Thank you for asking. Sohma-san, you are finishing up your last semester, aren't you?"

Yuki nodded. "I've already started on my ending thesis project, and if all goes well, I should be able to graduate relatively soon."

"What is your thesis on?"

"Ah, the effect of sodium levels on transcription, most specifically on the synthesis of messenger RNA and DNA."

"Oh, is that a continuation of your article that Takaishi-sensei published?"

He blinked, regarding her with mild surprise. "You've read it?"

"Hai. Takaishi-sensei suggested it to me as a reference for my last term paper. It was very brillant, Sohma-san."

"You really thought so?"

"Hai." She smiled again. "It was a very enjoyable read."

"A-arigatou." He internally groaned as he felt his face warm. By the gods, he was no better than a teenager. "How…how do you know Takaishi-sensei, Miya-san?"

"Oh, I'm majoring in biology as well as teaching. Takaishi-sensei teaches several of the classes on my curriculum."

"I see." Curiously, his eyes rested on ceramic figure in her hands, the shape disguised by her palm, he was now close enough to make out the blatant orange color. "Miya-san? May I ask what that is?"

"Oh." She smiled bashfully, holding up the object in question. "This is Katsuya-kun's latest project."

In her palm, she held a ceramic figure of a cat, an extremely well made model in term of the creator being a three-year-old boy, painted in bright orange. Yuki could not suppress his shocked expression, nor the feeling of irony that welled up inside, at the extreme resemblance to Kyou's zodiac form.

"Sohma-san? Are you alright?"

Nodding his head, Yuki did his best to manage a reassuring smile. "Hai, I'm fine. Just caught in a sudden memory. Thank you for your concern, Miya-san."

This time, it was her turn to blush, and the subtle flush to her features was positively endearing. _You know you're noticing, Sohma. Why deny it?_

Ignoring the nagging voice and the twisting sensation in his own gut, Yuki glanced down at a sudden tug at his shirttail, to find his nephew's excited face. "Yuki-jiisan, did you see my project? Miya-sensei said it was very good! It looks just like Neko, doesn't it?"

At the mention of Katsuya's own gray-striped tabby, Yuki glanced at the cat figure with a puzzled frown. "But, Katsuya-kun, it does look like Neko, but why is it orange?"

Placing a finger against his chin in thought, Katsuya seemed to deliberate his answer. "Well…I wanted to paint it the color of my hair. Neko's a really boring color for an art project, don't you think? And Nezumi's black, so I didn't want to do that. Do you think Kaasan will like it anyway, even if it's not the right color?"

Intrigued as he always was by the fact that the boy had chosen to name his pets after his two favorite characters from the zodiac legends his mother told as bedtime stories, it took Yuki a moment to focus and answer. "…You plan to give the neko to your mother?"

"Hai!"

Yuki smiled, reaching down to ruffle fiery hair. "Your mother will love anything you make her. Well, Katsuya-kun, are you done saying goodbye to your friends?"

"Yep." He glanced back, perfecting the perfect woeful expression. "We'll meet again someday, I suppose.

Shaking his head at the dramatic antics, Yuki held out a hand to him, reminding himself not to let the boy spend so much time around Shigure. "You'll see them tomorrow. We'd better go though. Your mother's probably waiting for you with dinner. Miya-san, it was a pleasure seeing you again. I hope everything continues to go well for you at the university."

Was it just he, or did she suddenly seem disappointed? "The same to you, Sohma-san. See you tomorrow, Katsuya-kun."

"Sayonara, Miya-sensei."

_What the hell is wrong with you, Sohma! She's pretty, she's young, she's smart, she's interested in your work, and she's damn well interested in you! Be a man for once!_

His back stiffening, Yuki stopped, his mouth gone dry and his heart suddenly thundering. Turning back hesitantly, he was elated to see Reika still there, watching them. "Uh…um…Miya-san, I was…that is…I was hoping…I was wondering if you might like to go to dinner with me sometime?"

She smiled at him, and his nervous state took hold of his thoughts, causing him to wonder initially if it was flattery or mockery in that smile.

"I'd love to, Sohma-san."

And the world suddenly seemed a little brighter.

"Yuki-jiisan?"

"Hai, Katsuya-kun?"

"What took you so long?"

----------------------

When they finally arrived at her and Katsuya's apartment half an hour later, Tohru was her usual cheerful self as she greeted them both, motherly hugs and earnest questions about school for Katsuya and a light touch to the shoulder and a kiss on the cheek for Yuki. She delighted in the ceramic cat, and Yuki was not surprised when he saw a brief shadow cross through her eyes, gone as quickly as it had appeared.

As Katsuya went to play with the cats that meandered around his feet, Yuki could not resist her invitation to stay for dinner, indulging amiably in small talk, as she worked her way around the kitchen with skillful ease.

"How are your classes, Yuki-kun? Are they going all right?"

"Yes, thank you, Tohru. My classes are going fine. How is work?"

"Oh, just fine. Yamada-san was very kind to offer me the job, and I think I'm adjusting very well."

"That's good to hear. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"If you wouldn't mind? You could slice the carrots, Yuki-kun."

As he moved to get to work, he glanced at her through the corner of his eye. She seemed content as usual, but appearances could be deceiving. He mulled over how best to approach the topic. "So…I couldn't help but notice how proud Katsuya-kun is of his cat."

She smiled, her eyes turned away from him. "Yes, he is. He tells me all the time how much he loves the cat of zodiac."

"Like mother, like son."

She met his eyes then, and he could see clearly a familiar whisper of pain. "I don't mean to bring up old wounds, Tohru. I just want to make sure that you are alright."

"I'm okay, Yuki-kun. It doesn't hurt to talk about him so much anymore."

She was lying through her teeth, and he knew it. So why did he want to believe so desperately that she really was all right? "So, you've told him the story of the zodiac?"

She nodded, turning back to her cooking pots. "Yes. The same story my mother told me, and a little more."

"A little more?"

"Hai…about a very lucky girl who met the animals of the zodiac, and had many adventures with them. Along the way, she saw many changes come about between them, and in the end, she came to love them so dearly."

His face softened. "They came to care for you, too, Tohru. Very much."

The room was enveloped in silence for several minutes as they both concentrated on their tasks. If he caught the hint of tears in her eyes, he did not comment, watching as she blinked them away to turn back to him with a warm smile. "Is there anything new happening in your life, Yuki-kun?"

"…Yes, actually. I...I...uh…I asked out a young woman today. She seemed interested in going out with me."

"That's wonderful, Yuki-kun. You've been so busy with your schoolwork, I was beginning to worry. I'm glad you've met someone."

"So am I."

As she called Katsuya and Yuki assisted her in carrying out the dishes, she suddenly turned back to him with a thoughtful frown. "You should come for dinner more often, Yuki-kun. I've greatly missed having you around, and I'm know Katsuya-chan feels the same."

This time, his smile was genuine. "I'll be sure to do that, Tohru."

------------------------------

In his home on the Sohma estate, Shigure reclined back in his favorite chair with a sigh of relief, tiredly rubbing his eyes as he regarded the finished chapters in front of him, prompted to actually finish his work by the endless nagging of his dear editor.

Grinning as a sudden thought crossed his mind, he kicked up his feet against the desk, reaching for the phone to dial a familiar number.

The tired, sharp voice on the other end only added to his mirth. "Sohma."

"Haa-san, how nice of you to pick up?"

A low groan of irritation. "What do you want, Shigure?"

"Do I need an excuse to call my favorite physician?"

"Shigure, I've been up three days straight and I've yet to get a decent cup of coffee. If you don't try being serious for once, I'll personally come over there and finish the job that might finally put an end to the misery of the poor girl who serves as your editor."

"You realize that if you kill me, Haa-san, you'll be disappointing so many of my fans."

"Just get to the point, Shigure."

"Ah. I just called to remind you that Kat-chan's birthday is coming up in a few weeks, and I'm organizing a surprise party for the dear boy."

"Shouldn't you leave things like that to Honda-kun?"

"Nonsense! The child is family after all."

Another sigh. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I was actually going to call you myself. Akito…Akito has become worse, Shigure, nearly overnight. She's asking for you."

No reply.

"Shigure? Are you still there?"

"I'm here, Hatori. I'll be right there."

--------------------------

Several Weeks Later… 

Rin lay spooned against her lover, nestled securely in strong arms, the cold of the season no match for the heat radiating from his body. She rested her head in the curve of his neck, breathing in the familiar scent of him, warm and rich.

She had always loved to watch him sleep, ever since they were children and he would sneak into her room and keep her company in the night to chase away her nightmares. His face was relaxed in his sleep, and she could forget the ageless intensity of his eyes, and see him for how young he really was.

She brushed her hands against his naked skin, warm and sleek, ghosting her hand over his abdomen and chest, feeling the subtle play of muscles in the now-adult body, remembering well the way it felt to have him pressed against her, in the past and in the present.

The feeling came as subtly as a storm, as if to respond to the rolling of thunder in the distance to be heard outside the window, chasing away the content silence of the bedroom. She felt the sudden tension in the air, the smothering sensation of the darkness, and the mix of fear, anger, horror, terror, and pain of loss that culminated in an ache in her chest.

Beside her, Haru stirred, shooting up and instinctually reaching for her as his body visibly trembled in the wake of horrible feeling. "R-Rin." He stammered her name, his voice hoarse and breathless. "Rin, do you feel it?"

"Yes, I feel it. Haru, what's going on?"

He took in a shuddering breath, his body tense and shaking violently as he pulled her tight against him, refusing to relinquish his hold. "It's Akito, Rin, can't you feel it? She's dying…"

With his words, an eruption of sensation centered in her chest, causing her to gasp as the incredibly vast chasm of loss enveloped her, the anger and outrage whirling around in her mind until the feeling became physically painful. Crying out softly, she clung to Haru, her body shuddering in unison with his own.

She struggled to form coherent thought, concentrating on the feel of Haru beside her, the strength of his arms, the warmth of his body, fighting the compulsion she knew must be warring ten times worse inside of him. He was, after all, closer to their god than she had ever been.

However strong his compulsion, Haru fought valiantly, holding her so tightly his arms were like iron around her slighter frame, but she did not care, as long as they could both cling to one another, and fight back the compelling urge to run to their god's side.

His mouth crushed over hers, rough and desperate, and she returned his kiss just as earnestly, struggling to breath as he buried his face in her hair, the lingering trace of his tears wet against her skin, as he whispered nonsense words of despair and love combined, clinging to her tightly as his very last hope.

And as that last feeling of desperation passed, followed by an emptiness so wide and empty she bit her lip to keep from crying herself, Haru violently convulsed, a single howl ripping from his throat until his voice went raw. He collapsed back against her, a trembling mess of tears and weakened limbs. He reached for her hands, their palms pressing together and fingers tightly enlacing.

"Rin," he whispered, "Rin, Rin, Rin." Her name became a mantra, as he gazed down at her, his eyes haunted and emptier than she had ever seen.

She could not suppress her own tears any longer as they flooded from her eyes, as she choked out a sob. "Still here, Haru. Still here."

---------------------

In Akito's private chambers, four of the remaining male Jyuunishi shared in Haru's emptiness and despair, their emotional response tempered by their obedience as they stayed at their god's side for her last moments among the living.

Kureno, Akito, and Hatori stood against the back wall, the shadows in the room too dark for their expressions to be deciphered. Yuki knelt at Akito's side; his own tears silent, the tremors coursing through him barely noticeable with his close proximity to the clan head. He closed her eyelids gently, bowing his head over her body, the memory forever imprinted into his mind of Akito's last moment in the mortal realm, her fevered eyes locked on his, hand clinging to him as she breathed her last shattering breath.

None of the older men dared to move closer, giving him his moment, their internal responses mixtures of weariness, jealousy, and relief at Akito's preference to have her favored nezumi at her side. Kureno gazed at them both, unblinking, unable to discern the difference between the strange emotions that warred inside. At his side, Hatori irritably ran his fingers through his long hair, visibly agitated at Yuki's previous demand.

"Yuki, you don't understand the ramifications of what you're asking! Give us some time, and perhaps we can-"

"I'm not asking, Hatori," the nezumi responded, the uncharacteristic biting edge to his voice a reflection of his inner irritation. He was twenty-two, and no child to be ordered around or manipulated. "Release him, Shigure, Hatori, before the rest of us do it for you."

--------------------------------

Author's Notes:

I just want to wish everyone a Happy Holiday. Hope to see you all back for the next chapter. The last chapter of Hold On!


	8. Love

**Hold On**

By Dan'yu

The end of this chapter is where I finally implement the need for an M-rating for this fic. Please heed.

**Chapter Eight: Love**

_"You're a father, Kyou."_

_For a long moment, there was no response to Momiji's statement, and then he heard from the darkness a shaky, shuddering intake of breath, followed by a low, choked sound Momiji realized incredulously was a sob. _

_"Kyou? Did you hear me?"_

_"I…I heard you, usagi. I'm just…it wasn't a dream, then? It was real?"_

_Momiji frowned in confusion. "Kyou, I don't understand."_

_A soft chuckle sounded from the neko, but there was no humor to be found there. "A dream…Momiji. I saw Tohru give birth. I saw her son."_

_"Your son as well, Kyou."_

_"What rights do I have to him as my son? What have I done, Momiji? What have I done?"_

_The hopelessness to be found in his tone brought a pang through the blond boy's heart, as he pressed his face closer against the small hole in the door leading to the room of Kyou's confinement, realizing bitterly that the thin opening must be used to deliver meals. _

_"Kyou…Kyou, please. You're not making sense."_

_Another shuddering sigh, another sound of bitter, humorless laughter. "I was selfish that night, that night I slept with her before I was locked away. I loved her, and I used that as an excuse to get what I wanted. Look what I did to her, Momiji. I'm imprisoned in this hellhole, and she's left with my child. **My **child, Momiji! Not only did I leave her alone, I left her with my baby! Who could ever, ever want my child?"_

_Momiji felt close to tears himself, hearing the raw emotion of unshed tears in Kyou's voice, losing himself in a strange mixture of disbelief and outrage. Had his time in this dark place really twisted Kyou's perceptions that severely that he had come to loathe himself for leaving Tohru with his child, to believe that Tohru herself would come to regard their son as a curse instead of a blessing?_

_"Kyou, you dumbkof! You're wrong, you're so wrong! Tohru loves you, very, very much, and she loves your child! She doesn't hate you for the baby you left behind, she loves you for it! She misses you, Kyou, every day that you're gone. She told me once, that she is grateful for Katsuya-kun, because she has a part of you to keep on loving. You stupid, foolish, dumbkof!"_

_"…Katsuya-kun…?"_

_"Your son, Kyou, your son."_

Even four years later, Momiji remembered the conversation well, the strange, weary wistfulness, the bitter self-hatred that practically radiated from Kyou's presence in the room, his own shock on the severity of the way Kyou's view of the world had utterly twisted in the ten months he had been caged.

The young usagi walked out into the frigid winter air, reflexively shivering as he pulled tighter around himself the long coat and scarf, a red woolen cap covering his head. With age, the influence of his Sohma blood had only grown stronger, and the years had been more than kind to him. The adorable, childish qualities that had drawn so much affection from his elders had never fully faded, instead enhanced by an subtle, andygrous nature that leaned more toward the masculine.

At twenty one, he was not lost to the charm held in the combination of exotically handsome features, glossy golden hair that tended to curl, warm brown eyes, and a playful, easy smile that never failed to attract, especially on members of the opposite sex. Some of his cousins, most often Shigure or Ayame, would tease him on terms of being a lady-killer, but above all, it was the opinion of one girl he held most important.

On his ninetieth birthday, his most vivid memory of that day was the few moments he had managed to have alone with Tohru, as she had stood by him, an infant Katsuya adorably drowsy in her arms as the party wore on into the later hours. Her smile had been warm, and her eyes had shone with a love that bordered on motherly. Despite the fact that he had grown to be several inches taller than her, she had reached up to brush away stray bangs, and leaned on her tiptoes to press a kiss to her forehead.

"_You've become a very handsome young man, Momiji-kun," she had said, "Just as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside."_

A wistful smile remained playfully on his lips even as he finished his venture across the town, coming at last to his destination as he rapped gently but firmly on a familiar apartment door.

As the door swung open, and Tohru appeared in the entrance, his smile only grew, though taking on a strange quality of seriousness that would have unnerved anyone who did not know all the sides to his usually playful nature. "Tohru-kun, your presence has been requested at the Main House, both you and Katsuya-kun."

She regarded him with a puzzled frown. "Momiji-kun? I…Yuki-kun called me. He…informed me of Akito-san's passing away, but tell me, is everything all right? Is something important happening at the Sohma house?"

He shook his head in response to her questions, holding out his hand instead. "I can't explain anything now, Tohru-chan. Please…if you'll just come with me, everything should be a little clearer."

-----------------------------

It was a strange gathering, those who had meandered their way into Hatori's office. Outside the actual examination room was Kagura, Kisa, and Hiro all sitting close by, Haru lounged in the corner, Rin nestled against him comfortably, neither of them seeming at all self-conscious despite the fact that she sat nearly completely in his lap. His posture was deceptively lazy, in the way he reclined, hers seeming indulgent to nothing but him, in the way she leaned, pressed so tightly against him, but the same intense focus radiated from the two of them as the other cursed members in the room, bodies tense to attention should anything happen.

It was Kagura that was the first to break the fragile silence, raising a quiet, fearful question she knew each of them had considered at one point or another. "Do you think Shihan will come?"

Hiro and Kisa exchanged wary but hopeful glances, hands and legs so tightly entwined from where they sat side by side any outsider would think the public display excessive, but anyone with knowledge of the inner Sohma could understand the hint of lurking wariness that came with the fear of being separated. Even at sixteen and seventeen, the tentative beginnings of their romance were still just fully coming into bloom, the looming shadow of Akito's wrath fading away more slowly than any of them cared for.

Rin turned her head from its place against Haru's shoulder, and regarded Kagura with a thoughtful gaze. Haru, for his part, made Kagura uncomfortable the most, turning toward her with his intense, piercing eyes. It was a common saying among the Sohma, that there was nothing more disconcerting than being under Hatsuharu's focused stare.

"I don't know, Kagura-nee," he said softly, his eyes shifting downward as his hand tightly grasped Rin's, the need to have her close pulling at him stronger than ever before with their experience at Akito's death only three nights past, "It's really up to Kyou whether to see him or not."

Rin softly sighed against the crook of his neck, surprising him as she spoke, bringing up an inquiry that weighed on each mind. "And what about that girl…Tohru?" she asked him wryly, "Will she come as well?"

"Momiji went to get her. Whatever happens after that is up to her and Kyou."

In the next room, Shigure and Hatori stood in silent vigilance, Yuki and Kureno both strangely absent from the gathering since Akito's funeral the day before. The scrutiny of the two men was placed entirely on the young man nearby, his own attention meticulously focused on the razor he ran along his jaw line to rid himself of months of beard growth.

Watching the young man focus so intently on such a simple task was unnerving, and disheartening. Naked from the waist up, his bare back faced them, lined with scars that stood out brazenly white against his naturally tan skin, though the pallor was paler than they had ever seen, the result of years without exposure to sunlight. A body that had always been lean was now to the point of being painfully thin, giving sharp definition to the ribs along his torso. The face that reflected back at them in the mirror was gaunt and rawboned, the cheekbones so sharp and lean it spoke volumes of his lack of nourishment.

It was the eyes that drew them in the most, staring back at them through the glass as Kyou rinsed his face, and softly padded it dry with a towel. Wild and haunted, they were like the eyes of a caged animal, waiting for any moment to bolt.

Shigure's throat tightened to the point where breathing became nearly impossible. Where along the line, had his manipulations failed him? At what point that they become so weak they had given in so completely to Akito's wishes, and left this boy at her mercy?

Yes, that weakness was with them, a weakness infused into the very blood that flowed through their veins, binding them to their curse. And yet, it was that same blood that bonded them as Jyuunishi, and as family.

Beside him, Hatori mentally reviewed his initial prognosis. Physical abuse at Akito's hand was more than painfully obvious, but the scars were old, and the extremity of the dehydration and malnourishment wreaking havoc on his body most likely stemmed from pure neglect, a side affect of the near year Akito had spent bed-ridden from illness.

"Kyou," Shigure said gently as the younger man faced them, bathed and freshly shaved, "Haa-san is broader around the back than the rest of us, but you're so much taller now, I think this ought to fit." He held out the white linen shirt.

Kyou nodded silently, accepting the shirt. As he tucked the garment into the jeans he wore and fastened the buttons, it became blatantly obvious that while he fit snugly in regards to his height and width of his back, his body and waist were so small that the shirt still hung limp and open from his frame. As he left loose the two buttons below the collar, the shirt fell open enough that the very beginning of a long scar that ran along his chest became visible against his dark skin. It seemed to Hatori, that Kyou was making no efforts to hide his condition.

As he finished dressing, the neko regarded them through the mirror once more, his eyes unreadable. "Thank you," he said quietly, the first words he had spoken since being released.

Shigure nodded in response for the both of them. "Would you like us to cut your hair for you as well, Kyou?"

Kyou paused thoughtfully, slipping his fingers through thick locks of hair long enough to fall against his shoulders. "No, just something to tie it all back should be fine," he replied softly.

A rapping sound at the door of the examination room broke through their quiet conversation, and Shigure and Hatori exchanged glances, an unspoken communication passing between them as Hatori moved to open the door, and Shigure returned to Kyou in hopes of solving the problem of a hair tie.

Hatori spoke in low volumes with the individual on the other side of the door; nodded once in understanding, and then motioned for Shigure to follow him as both men moved to exit the small room. As he passed, the novelist patted Kyou firmly on the shoulder, as if in reassurance, and Kyou wondered what could possibly cause the man to seem so nervous.

His answer came a moment later, however, as the object of his dreams…fantasies, memories, desires, emotions…timidly stepped into the room.

Time stopped, the world ceased spinning on its axis, reality, as he knew it came to a standstill. He forgot what it meant to breathe, to remember anything beyond that moment, even something as simple his own name.

And then she whispered to him, the sound of the name given to him at birth, and it all came rushing back to him, his identity, his existence, and his place in the world. "Tohru, Tohru…" her name passed from his lips in a steady repetition, a mantra meant to ground him, to convince himself he was not dreaming.

She whispered his name once more, tears shining against her face. He tried to smile, failing miserably as he reached out to her, hesitantly, slowly, for her image had been an apparition in his imagination for too long, and he feared her disappearing.

But suddenly, she threw her arms around his neck, pressing against his side, and she was tangible, so very real as the warmth of her body, the feel of her, soaked into him. "H-hey," he muttered, wincing at the shaky quality to his voice, "Haven't I told you before that I hate to see you cry?"

The comment was hypocritical, for even as he spoke, his own tears obscured his vision of her. His arms went around her tightly, careful not to hold her against him, wanting her near all the same. He was not aware of the moment he sank to his knees, but as he hit the floor, her embrace was still there, her hand stroking his hair as his body wracked with sobs, her voice warm and soothing against his ear. She held him for a long time, long after he had calmed, listening in silence as he spoke, not caring as his words rambled and became broken or unintelligible, as he released everything that was done to him, all his years locked away in that room, and so much more.

---------------------------

Kyou could not remember the last time he had been this nervous. Anticipation and a not entirely unpleasant kind of fear welled up inside, tightening his throat, knotting his stomach, confounding any rationality existing in his mind. It rendered him utterly speechless as he stood with Tohru at his side, hand in hand, as he faced the members of his family who had grown so much in the intervening years that their faces were like those of strangers.

His gaze was inevitably drawn to the little boy seated in Kagura's lap, as a pair of vermillion eyes, identical to his own, stared up at him curiously. Even as the room hushed with anticipation, and Tohru softly called out to their son, the child seemed merely curious, coming obediently to his mother's side and slipping his hand into hers, staring in question at the obvious link between his mother and the strange man.

"Kaasan? Who's he?"

"He's…he's your Otousan, Katsuya-chan."

Katsuya blinked up at him with those impossibly bright eyes, and Kyou forgot what it was to breathe as the younger male circled him, his expression…not sad or elated, depressed or even angry…only thoughtful. Kyou wondered if the boy was as puzzled by this older version of himself as he was by the younger.

Finally, Katsuya came to a halt before him, and his face broke into a wide, infectious grin. "I'm lucky, Kaasan, aren't I? I've been such a good boy, I get a daddy for my birthday."

With that, he launched himself at his father, and as Kyou embraced his son for the first time, he glanced over the head of messy coppery hair to meet eyes with the mother of his child. "Tadaima," he said softly.

Tears in her eyes once more, she smiled at him. "Welcome home," she whispered.

--------------------------

A week later, Katsuya's belated fourth birthday was held at Kazuma's residence, where Kyou and Tohru had been staying as they slowly readjusted to one another. The reunion between honorary father and son had been unforgettable, and slowly but surely, the malignant presence of their suffering under Akito's reign was dissipating.

It was over an hour into the celebration that Haru finally gained his first sighting of Yuki. Leaving Rin with a reassurance he would soon return, he made his way through the crowd to stand near his cousin, the other standing in the doorway leading into the house, his eyes locked on Kyou and Tohru as they assisted their son in a party game, all three of their faces alit in bright smiles.

"They really look good together, don't they?" Yuki said, "All three of them."

Haru studied him, seeking the meaning of the strange pensive wistfulness and jealousy clouding Yuki's features. "Hai, they do. Were you planning to approach him at all tonight? I'm sure Katsuya-kun will be happy to see you. He talks about you constantly."

"Mmm…maybe a bit later. I'll let them be for now."

"Tell me something, Yuki…"

"Hmm?"

"Does it make you angry at all, knowing that after all these years of playing Katsuya's father figure, Kyou can just waltz in so suddenly and take your place?"

Yuki whirled on him in an instant, furious, strangely seeming to pale even as his face flushed with rage. "What the hell do you know about it? I don't know who you think you are to assume such things, Haru!"

Unaffected by the other's sudden change in mood, Haru reached out, gently touching a hand to the side of the nezumi's face. Yuki winced, but he did not pull away. "I'm assuming things because I understand you to an extent, and now I'm trying to understand whatever it is you're going through now."

"You assume too much…it wasn't my place anyway."

"But you wish it was."

Yuki did not answer, turning his face away. Haru's next question seemed to melt away all resistance and subterfuge, as he stared out into the crowd of people with unreadable eyes. "You're still in love with her, aren't you?"

Yuki regarded him with a dry smile. "Whether I do or not, I don't fully know. I know my feelings for her aren't entirely platonic, but I care about her enough that I want to see her happy. So what does it matter if I still love her or not?"

"It would matter to you."

"Then it's my burden to bear, not hers."

Haru sighed, leaning back against a nearby wall. "You know, Hatori told me something interesting this morning. He said something about you planning to go away. Were you going to tell us before disappearing?"

"Of course I was. I was planning to tell everyone tonight. I'm graduating early in March. I'm planning on going to Europe after that."

"What about medical school? Continuing your studies?"

"That's part of being a Sohma. With the money saved in my accounts, I'll have no trouble going back."

"What about that girlfriend of yours? Miya-san?"

"Ah, Reika…well, that's really for the best anyway. We decided recently that we were better off as just friends."

"Yuki…I'm sorry."

"Don't be. She's going away herself, to the States with her parents. Apparently, she didn't see our relationship that same way I did. She had someone waiting for her there, and they're to marry soon. One of those arranged marriages, I think. But that's all over with, and besides, Haru, I'm not the one you should be looking after."

Haru smirked. "I wonder what Rin's reaction would be…knowing that you think she needs my protection."

"She'd be angrier than hell, no doubt. But she wasn't the only one I'm referring to. Rin's not as painfully thin as she used to be, Haru, but she could never normally put on weight that fast…or did you think no one was going to notice?"

"I wondered if someone would. Sensei's suspicious, maybe even Kagura-nee, but you're the first to say anything. It's not quite obvious yet."

Yuki nodded, reaching out to briefly touch Haru's shoulder. "Well, then I can be the first to congratulate you. Fatherhood's really going to suit you, Haru."

"Yuki."

"Hai?"

"So…you're planning to just run away?"

Yuki turned his head back to him, and for the first time in a long time, flashed a genuine smile. "Think of it more on Kyou's terms…more like I'm finally breaking free from the cage."

"Yuki-jiisan, Haru-jiisan, c'mon. The games are starting and everybody had to play!"

Both of their arms now captive, both men willingly let themselves be dragged along by the zealous boy. Haru sent one last searching look in Yuki's direction, as his older cousin shared laughter with the child between them over some unknown joke. Haru did not miss the adoration shining in Katsuya's eyes, now the tenderness that softened Yuki's.

_It's not wrong, Yuki, to love this child. We all do._

---------------------------------

"Kureno-san?"

Kureno glanced up, startled, from his place fidgeting nervously in the shadows. Tohru watched him curiously as he shifted his feet, searching for the appropriate thing to say. "K-Konnichiwa, Honda-san.

"Konnichiwa, Kureno-san. Is there something I can help you with?"

"Yes…I…" He regarded her with a shy, awkward smile. "I thought I'd bring a gift for your son's birthday, Honda-san." He handed her the modestly wrapped package, averting his eyes as he awkwardly cleared his throat. "It's not much, just a wooden toy, but there were Sohma children who enjoyed my wood crafting when I was younger, and I thought…that maybe your son would as well."

Tohru smiled at him. "Thank you, Kureno-san. I'm sure he will adore it. Would you…would you like to come inside? I'm afraid I've put Katsuya-chan to bed already, but there is still warm food, and many of the other adults are still here."

"No, but thank you for the offer." He glanced at the house with a wistful smile. "I don't think I'd be very welcome."

"Perhaps, Kureno-san, that will change, now that the others will be able to get to know you."

"Yes…there is time for that now, isn't there?"

"Kureno-san, how are you adjusting now, after Akito-san's death? Are you doing alright?"

"It's…odd, I suppose, for lack of a better word. I've long since been released from the curse, but with Akito gone; I am no longer bound by my promises either. It's a strange feeling, this sense of freedom. Anyway, oyasumi, Honda-san. Wish Katsuya-kun a happy birthday for me."

As he turned to leave, Tohru stopped him with a light touch to the arm. "Ano, Kureno-san, just one more moment? You see, there is a friend of mine who has been waiting for someone, for a very long time. She has only seen this someone a handful of times, but I think, deep down, she still loves him very much. It might be time for that person to finally give her love a chance."

_Arisa…_

Feeling the slip of paper she placed between his fingers, an address perhaps, or a phone number, he turned back to her with a warm smile. "Arigatou, Honda-san, and once again, oyasumi."

"Oyasumi, Kureno-san."

--------------------------

"Shigure."

Indifferent toward the familiar sound of the Sohma doctor's voice, Shigure smiled wryly as he faced him, putting out the remains of the cigarette he had been enjoying against the nearby banister. "Well, well, Haa-san, hello again. You know that if you are taking up stalking me, such a crime is rather unbefitting of such a respectable occupation as a doctor."

"If you weren't constantly acting like such an idiot, I wouldn't feel the need to check up on you so often."

Shigure only smirked, lighting up another cigarette as he offered the package to Hatori, who shook his head to decline. "No thanks. I'm planning on quitting."

"Ah…that wouldn't be Mayu-chan's influence, would it?"

"What do you know about Mayuko?"

"You're seeing her, aren't you?"

"Perhaps."

Shigure exhaled, releasing a long expanse of hazy smoke into the frigid night air, as he turned to stare out into the dark. From their place on one of the countless porches of the sprawling Main House, the Sohma estate seemed to stretch vast and empty in the black of the night. "Tsk, tsk. You've always been so slow, Haa-san! You ought to ask the poor woman to marry you and be done with it. She's been waiting for you for so long, and Kami knows neither of you are getting any younger."

A slight pause. "It's unlike you to be so straightforward," Hatori said thoughtfully, as he joined his friend at the railing to stare out into the night, "Callous and blunt yes, but never without speaking in riddles."

"Maybe a man gets tired of acting the same way, ne?"

"Does that mean you'll drop the act then? Now that Akito is gone?"

"Akito's death puts the past to rest, Hatori. What makes you think everything I am is such a game of pretend?"

"Because I knew you once…when you were different. Are you just going to sit out here all night and sulk, wishing for things you can no longer have?"

"What reason would I have to sulk?"

"Akito's passing."

Shigure sighed, regarding his companion with the enigmatic, mocking smile Hatori found both familiar and disconcerting. "That day Katsuya was born, you felt it as strongly as I did, didn't you, Hatori? Something about that boy, the cat's son, a child born of Tohru-kun's acceptance and love for the outcast of the zodiac…something about his birth weakened Akito's hold on each of us. Over the years, the bonds between all of us and others have grown so strong, especially centering around that boy.

There is no way to _break _our curse. Rin found that out the hard way, as did Tohru-kun. But it can fade with time. Every day the ill effect we suffer as Sohmas fades away more and more. Love, acceptance, compassion, trust…_those _are the keys to abolishing the curse's effects.

In a handful of months, a child will be born among the Sohma, a child conceived that night of Akito's death, the parents unknowing. And that child will take Akito's place, and our curse will go on."

"The child…Hatsuharu and Isuzu?"

"You noticed that as well? No matter. It's not them. Surely you felt her conception as strongly as I did, Haa-san, just the same as that night Akito was conceived. She will be born of a different branch of the family, those ignorant to their child's fate."

"So you'll just wait for this child to come into the world, and let your bitterness continue to consume you until it affects her as well?"

"No, Hatori. This time…that is not my intention. I'll leave her to our young counterparts, those that are still young and not so jaded. They won't fail with her as we did with Akito."

Seeing his companion's puzzled expression, Shigure smiled humorlessly. "We failed her, Hatori, just as much as she failed us. And Akira, and Ren, and this whole damned clan."

Hatori frowned, silent in thought for a long moment. "Shigure, you loved her, didn't you?"

No response.

---------------------------

"Tohru?"

"Oh!" Surprised, Tohru whirled around, dropping the garbage bag she had been holding as she tried to give the living room of Kazuma's home so semblance of cleanliness in the aftermath of the party. "Kyou-kun! You startled me."

Kyou moved closer, flicking his eyes from the dropped bag to Tohru's face, raising his hand to gently brush through the hair loose from her braid. "Kyou-kun, huh? I must have really surprised you, to cause that kind of slip."

She felt her face warm, embarrassed as she realized her mistake. "Oh, I'm sorry. It was a slip of the tongue."

Kyou smiled. "It's fine. I've just always liked it when you called me by name. There was something special about it." He took her hand, urging her to step away from the mess she had been cleaning. "You don't have to do this, you know."

"But Shishou-san…"

"Shishou wouldn't want you to overexert yourself. We can get the others to come and help in the morning. They caused this mess, after all. So why don't you come to bed? You look even more exhausted than Katsuya did before he passed out."

Wordlessly, she nodded, and he led her to the spare bedroom they had been sharing the better part of a week. As he closed the door shut and dimmed the lights, he turned back around to find her regarding him with a strange, thoughtful expression.

"Tohru? What is it?"

She slowly approached him, pausing just before her body made contact with his. Silently, she touched her hands to his face, causing him to smile softly as she kissed him, her hand moving to tangle in the ponytail at his nape.

As they broke apart, she remained leaned against him, her fingers toying idly with the long strands of hair. "It's strange, seeing you with long hair."

"I haven't got around to cutting it yet. I don't know how Shishou handled it for so long. It's an irritation when I'm trying to train."

"I think he liked it. It makes you look more like him, and when he saw it, he seemed strangely proud. Do you have to cut it so soon?"

He grinned, wrapping his arms around her until he lifted her off her feet, causing her to flounder for balance, her hands gripping tightly to his shoulders. "You like it, then?"

"Yes." Her smile faded, and he was left wondering as she slid her arms downward, her hands pressing against his chest. "Kyou? Would you mind letting me down?"

He did as she asked, still puzzled, and she remained in the circle of his arms. Her eyes followed the movement of her hands, as she traced the barest hint of the scar on his chest as it peeks its ugly head out above the collar of his shirt.

"Kyou…"

"Hai?"

"I cried with you that day…but…may I…" she trailed off, seeming to gain confidence as she squarely met his eyes, determination shining in them, "I want to see what it we were crying for."

Struck speechless, he could only nod, and with his acquiesce, she began to loosen the buttons of his shirt, one by one, and as she finally reached the end, she untucked the tails from the waistband of his pants, letting the garment fall away from his shoulders and land on the floor with nothing more than a whisper of fabric.

She touched her hands to his skin once more, running her fingers along the outline of the scar on his chest, moving onward to feel the furrows along his back beneath her fingertips. At her touch, Kyou struggled to remain still, to ignore the growing of the intensity of the heat quickly growing inside, the sparks she ignited with just the simplest of contact. The intimacy to be found in the touch was profound, as he watched her in mesmerized awe.

He saw an old sadness creep into her eyes, and he raised his hand to brush his thumb against her cheek, chasing away the negative emotion with his touch. Her hands were now splayed across his back, their motion stroking against the tense muscles, and her proximity was closer than ever. Her hands were soft against his skin, and Kyou swallowed hard. He fixed his eyes on hers, their reddish amber provocatively dark.

"Tohru, do you have any idea how much I've missed you?"

Tohru shivered slightly, the husky quality of his voice against her ear oddly thrilling as his warm breath danced across her skin. "I've missed you as well. Kyou…please…"

In response to the wordless plea, he gave in to what they both desired so strongly, crushing his mouth over hers with his strange mixture of gentleness and ardor.

His hands rested at her hips, pulled her closer as his arms locked around her, lifting her once more as he deepened the kiss, stifling a groan as her hands stroked his chest and arms in feather-light caresses.

He pulled back, wonderfully breathless, and her forehead rested against his, her eyes closed and her face flushed with an endearing blush. Without hesitation, he swept her into his arms, and carried her bridal-style to deposit her gently in center of the bed.

He leaned over her, and kissed her once more, loosening the buttons of her blouse to examine more of the slight body hidden beneath the garments. Hunger rang through him, for touch, for skin-to-skin contact, combining with awe for the sheer beauty of her.

He ran his hands over silken skin, the angle of her hips, the swell of her breasts, the gentle slope of her back. He made quick work of the remaining clothing, and her body he worshipped, stroked, caressed, explored.

Passion, want, desire, all of them coursed through him in a tumultuous storm as he leaned over her. The heat was nearly unbearable, the ache inside consuming him, but he hesitated still. The act of lovemaking was a foreign mystery to them both, and as nervous as virgins, he stared down at her, wanting but unsure.

Soothing away his fears, her hands reached up, releasing the binding around his hair to allow the long strands to fall around them in a thick curtain as she cupped his face, and brought his mouth to hers.

As he sank into her, his body sang with sensation, the heady ecstasy overwhelming as instinct took precedence and he began to move over her. Their rhythm was slow and steady as a dance, the joining of their bodies speaking more than they could ever express in words. Exerted breaths mingled between them, their cadence of the heartbeats pounding in unison, bodies entwining so tightly he felt the frightening sensation of physical contact.

His senses dulled as the sweet pain of release caused his body to jerk and tense, her name a hoarse gasp ripping from his throat, as the very foundation of his world was shaken, the very depths of his soul trembling in the aftermath of climax, shaking him to the deepest core. He felt her follow him a moment later, in that gravity-defying freefall where heaven and earth submerged and left them soaring.

They lay together, limbs hopelessly entwined, bodies held joined and held tightly in the embrace of unyielding arms. His mind still foggy, he quietly whispered into her ear how much he loved her, pressing his lips against her temple. As the slightest tendril of realization crept into his consciousness, his body jerked upward, panicking as he realized the degree of their closeness.

She opened her eyes to gaze up at him, and she smiled, silently reassuring, sending the message that explanation could wait. Pushing aside his worries until morning, Kyou sank into her embrace, feeling complete for the first time in his life.

------------------------------

Author's Notes:

And so ends the last chapter of Hold On. For those still interested, there is still an epilogue to follow this chapter, and a one-shot sequel I expect to publish within the next month.

I would like to give special thanks to all readers and reviewers. I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it.

I also have to apologize for any inconsistencies or mistakes to be found in this fanfiction that do not correspond to the actual manga storyline. Especially such elements as Yuki's feelings for Tohru. Until this point, all I have read is up to Volume 12 of the manga and many fanfictions. My apologies for such things.

Well then, it's a fantastic feeling, completing my first multi-chapter fanfiction.

Ja ne, Dan'yu


	9. Epilogue: Namesake

**Hold On**

By Dan'yu

**Epilogue: Namesake**

_Katsuya..._

_Katsuya...Honda..._

_The name itself is an enigma, just like the man himself. The name Katsuya stirs mixed feelings inside of me, and I'm never sure how to feel. On one hand, Tohru named our son for him in her vague memories of a loving father. And then on the other hand, there is the enigma of a man, the odd, somewhat eccentric personality Kyoko once described in telling me of her past with her husband. _

_So, the name sparks mixed reactions. I have to wonder about him, this man that meant so much to the two women I held most precious in my life. First, Kyoko, who offered me a small bit of hope in my world, who trusted me enough as a child and then young man to tell me her story. When I watched her die, helpless to do anything but watch in horror, I was so sure my world was going to shatter once again. _

_The broken pieces were put back together by her daughter, the girl...the woman...who I came to love more than anything else in this world or the next. From her came our son, a boy in my image but bearing the name of that enigmatic shadow...Katsuya. _

_But...I have to wonder...if a woman like Kyoko could be so devoted to him, even after his death, and to think Tohru could remember him so fondly, love him so completely when he was nothing more than a memory, he could not have been so bad..._

_Maybe...maybe he felt the same way I do, maybe he felt the awe at seeing his firstborn child, to receive the love of a woman, a pure and gentle woman, and be struck by the awareness that no matter what, no matter how much he did not deserve it, she would love him anyways. _

_Maybe we're more alike than I wanted to think…_

_I watch our son now, and I think that perhaps, it is not so bad that he bears that man's name...his grandfather's name. _

_---------------------------_

Takashi Honda was old, feeling the great burden of his years weighing down on him like never before. There was no refuting the fact that he was aging.

Lying idly in his bed, passing the days in thought and sleep and light reading, he was painfully aware of just how unnaturally tired he felt.

His life had passed him in such a strange combination, as quickly as the single blink of an eye, in other places as slowly and steady as the lazy flowing of a river. He had played so many roles throughout his life, as teacher, as husband, as father. Father to two children, son and daughter, as different as night and day.

His daughter had always been the material one, the logical one, different from her brother in her down-to-earth rationality, equally as clever as her sibling but more ambitious, materialistic, self-concerned. She satisfied her own greed and self-motivation by making a career of her own, wedding finely to a man of fairly well-off means, their marriage resulting in two children of their own, a son first, daughter second, his first grandchildren, younger mirrors of their petty parents.

His son, Katsuya, had always seemed like such an oddity, eccentric in personality, a dreamer, fascinated by and focused on the oddest things. Takashi had recognized the brilliance in his younger child, and he had sought to cultivate the boy's potential. Instead, he had been too overbearing and dominating over his son, and Katsuya had come to resent him, growing into a cynical, sharp-tongued young man without much goal in life, making half-hearted efforts to please his father. In one such an attempt to follow in Takashi's footsteps, he had been studying as a student teacher at a certain junior high school, and it was there that he met Kyoko.

Kyoko had been such a contradiction to his son that at first he had doubts about their marriage, but the girl's sunny and candid personality had him adoring her, and she became the bridge needed to slowly repair the rift between father and son. The brightness in the young woman ended up complimenting beautifully to Katsuya's darker aspects, most especially after the birth of their daughter, Tohru. The masculine name had been just like Katsuya, to give such an odd naming to his sweet-tempered daughter. Katsuya softened in his daughter's wake, becoming very much the doting father Takashi had always hoped to be himself.

Even after Katsuya's passing, and later Kyoko, Tohru had still been a blessing to him, her wonderful combination of naiveté and maternal instinct positively endearing and irresistible to even the hardest of hearts. He treasured his granddaughter above all others, and it had been painful to let her go, but in his old age and failing health, it became increasingly more difficult to protect her from the manipulations and barbs of his own family. And so, he had given her the freedom she needed, full of knowledge that her destination was a place that made her happier than he had ever seen her.

And now, his granddaughter was a mother herself, having borne and raised a child bearing her father's name, his son's name. His great-grandson.

"Grandfather?"

As the tentative, questioning voice broke through his reflections, he found himself looking upward, and making an effort to smother any negative reaction at the sight of his elder granddaughter, home for the long weekend to visit the family and more than likely appointed the unpleasant task of caring for her elderly grandfather. It was not that he disliked the girl in any way, no, he loved all his grandchildren; instead, it was the familiar look in her eyes that she, like all the others, thought she hid so well. The look of whimsical indulgence and pity, for they believed him senile and broken beyond repair. Though he did not bother to refute their impressions, he still found himself resenting the fact from time to time.

He managed his best friendly smile, for he felt ashamed for his ill reaction toward her. The child could know no better than the parents after all, and his daughter and son-in-law were not the best role-models for such things. "Hello, my dear. What can I do for you?"

"It's time for your medicines, Grandfather."

He simply nodded, and obediently accepted the spoonful of pills offered to him, and then the water glass. Swallowing down the hated medications, he smiled at her once more, stopping her as she moved to exit the room.

"Will you do me one favor, my dear? Tell your father I wish to speak with him."

She nodded and left.

Within his hand rested a single piece of paper, wrinkled and faded with time, held so carefully between his fingers as if it was the most fragile treasure to be found. Ever so delicately, he opened the paper, smoothing out the creases formed by use, and readjusting his glasses from atop his head to perch on the bridge of his nose, he began to read.

This letter he had read hundreds, perhaps even thousands, of times before. Sent to him nearly five years before, the birth announcement of Tohru's son, Sohma Katsuya. The small photograph of the newborn infant included in the envelope was not nearly as worn as the letter itself, but just as handled and even more precious. A beautiful child, to be sure; five years old in a matter of days. Where had all the time gone? The years blurred together now as assuredly as the weeks and months passing him by.

A few moments later, his son-in-law entered the room with no more preamble than a sharp knock on the door and a shaky smile for his wife's father. The fact that the man seemed nervous around him brought a small chase of dark amusement. "H-hello, Father. How are you this morning?"

"I'm fine, my son. How are you faring?"

"Never better, sir. There was something you wished to see me about?"

"Hai." Inwardly gleeful that his hands did not shake as they often did from his bad arthritis, he held out the letter for the other man to see, moving his finger pointedly to the photograph, and then the address written on the envelope. "The family gathering is coming up within the week. I want you to invite Tohru-san and her young boy."

The other's eyes widened. "F-father! But why! You yourself sent Tohru away. The child was a bastard and an embarrassment. Why would you want to see him now?"

"This boy is my great-grandson," the older man said firmly, dark eyes sparking with a vitality that unnerved his son-in-law, "I want to meet this namesake of my son. Arrange it for me."

"As you wish, Father."

----------------

Trying with all his willpower to stifle the knotting sensation in his stomach that came with reluctant pain and fluttering nerves, Kyou glanced hesitantly in his wife's direction, catching her hand in his to squeeze it gently, reassuringly. She returned the pressure, their fingers tightly entwining, offering him a shaky smile as they slowly crossed over the grassy picnic area of the park toward the patios occupied by the extended Honda family.

Katsuya walked between them, as nervous and shy as Kyou had ever seen the boy, his hand entangled with his mother's, hiding himself behind his father's leg as much as possible. Kyou found himself wishing he was small enough to disguise himself in the same way. Perhaps the ground would swallow him up in a god-send favor.

His reluctance branched off the innocent seeming phone call that had come to their small home two weeks before. His distaste had been instant at his recognition of the caller, recalling his first and only impression of his wife's uncle, a man who had made such a vulgar comment to his naïve Tohru, and then proceeded to interfere with him and Yuki's taking her back home. Granted, he and the nezumi had been strangers in the Honda household, but that point aside, it did not change the bad vibes he caught from the man at first sight.

At the invitation to the upcoming Honda family gathering, relayed by the man from Tohru's grandfather, Kyou had been instantly suspicious and reluctant. It was only at Tohru's widened eyes, both from shock and then joy, and her own silent pleading that had caused to agree to such a thing. Even so, he was all too painfully aware of everything Yuki had told him about the Honda family's reaction to Tohru's pregnancy with Katsuya.

In the few weeks after his release that Yuki had remained in close proximity to his family, the tension between Kyou and the other man had been thick and very palpable. Kyou, not sure how Yuki would react to his sudden reentrance into his family's life and well aware of the nezumi's feelings for Tohru, had kept his former enemy at a wary distance. But still, in the course of only a few weeks, they had spoken more together than in the course of their lifetimes, without a trace of hostility or their old rivalry. If there was one thing the damned nezumi had been good for, it had been looking after Kyou's family, and informing him of everything that had happened while he was gone.

But…Yuki was gone now, and there would be no more outside middle men to deal with the issues between his small family and the Hondas. This time, it was Kyou's turn to the face the music, and be at his love's side.

With Tohru's fingers tightly twined with his on one side, and Katsuya's hand held firmly in the other, Sohma Kyou, Sohma Tohru, and Sohma Katsuya crossed the few yards remaining between the three of them and the gathering before them.

The Honda family was generously expansive, though nothing to be compared to the enormous Sohma clan. Takashi had been the eldest of four brothers; Kyou remembered being told that fact as Tohru had tried to explain the expected numbers of people in attendance for the family event. Though the second-oldest had been killed during wartime, the remaining younger two had settled down and started families, having children who eventually grew and had children of their own, thus creating a multitude of great-aunts and great-uncles, second and third and fourth cousins branching off Takashi's family, who had a rather small line of lineage compared to some of the other families Kyou caught sight off.

Occasionally, upon the incidence that they actually recognized her, some gave Tohru reluctant but courteous greetings; few actually spared him a second glance, and not one gave any attention to the little boy pressed between them as he seemed to shrink back with each step they took. Kyou did his best to suppress the stirrings of indignant anger. He could care less if the members of this family rotted in the fires of the nether realm; Katsuya was much beloved among the Sohma, that was all that mattered.

He squeezed his son's shoulder in silent reassurance, and let his eyes defiantly, reproachfully, scan over the crowd, eventually coming to rest on the very tired and quickly fading figure that was Honda Takashi. He seemed even more aged than Yuki's description of him, resembling more now the shell of the man he must have once been. As they drew nearer, the crowd grew quieter, the weight of dozens of eyes on them.

They came to a stop before the patriarch, seated in his wheelchair, small and fragile-looking beneath blankets and an old cap despite the warmth of the spring day. Tohru knelt before him, Katsuya following her example, though his eyes were downcast and he pressed against her side. Takashi reached out with a gnarled hand and gently touched the top of first Tohru's, and then Katsuya's head, his smile gentle as he exchanged a few soft-spoken words with his granddaughter inaudible even to Kyou's superior hearing.

Kyou remained drawn back, studying the older man with a hostility he could not fully suppress, and finally Takashi's gaze landed on him, and he found himself taken aback by the spark of intelligence and compassion in the dark eyes that pierced through him, analyzing him, judging him. Kyou released a sharp breath he hadn't realized he had been holding, feeling his body begin to relax, muscles uncoiling from their previous deadly preparation. He had nothing to fear. He sensed not malice or ill-intent from this man.

He knelt on the grass before the seated man, bowing his head respectfully. "It's an honor to meet you, Honda-san. My name is Sohma Kyou. I am Tohru's husband, and Katsuya's father. Honored to be her husband, I might add, and proud to be his father."

The small crowd erupted in sudden whispers after he finished speaking, and he watched Tohru's hand self-consciously stray to the rings resting on her left hand. He smiled slightly, unable to resist fingering the simple golden band on his own. Gods, but it felt good to call himself her husband.

Takashi regarded him shrewdly in silence for a moment, and then his eyes took on a light of acceptance as he reached out to briefly touch Kyou's shoulder in a friendly gesture."

"I am pleased to meet you, Sohma Kyou-san. Welcome to my family."

--------------

Kyou stood to the side as he watched Takashi conversing with his son, the two of them engrossed in animated conversation, separated by generations but brought together by some unnamed bond.

Tohru rested in his embrace, his arms around her waist, her head tucked beneath his chin, one hand cradled against his chest, just above his heart. It was a peaceful air that radiated from the two of them, content just to be together despite the looks of surprise, confusion, and disdain constantly shot in their direction. The four of them, the young couple, their son, and the grandfather were somehow kept separate from the goings-on, but it did not matter. He did not care what any of them thought anymore, only wanting to indulge in the happiness they could find that day, and to enjoy the serenity brought by the warm spring afternoon. Nothing could taint that now.

Occasionally he could catch piece of conversation sifting from the pair.

"…and then Momiji-jiisan pulled the mat out from under Otousan. It was really funny, but I tried not to laugh because Otousan was really angry. He started shouting, but then Okaasan touched his arm, and he calmed down. Then he started pouting! I didn't know that daddies could pout, but he did! Haru-jiisan said it was cute, and Otousan stared at him really evilly."

Takashi listened to the young boy indulgently, smiling amusedly. "Ano, you have quite a large family, don't you? Lots of uncles and aunts."

Katsuya's face scrunched into a deliberating expression, pressing his finger to his chin. "Hai. Shigure-jiisan tried to explain it to me once, but it was really confusing. He kept talking about second and thirds and stuff about lynn-ee-age."

"Lineage, dear boy."

"Right! That's the word. Kagura-baasan says it doesn't really matter, because we're all family anyway. We're family, aren't we, Ojiisan?"

"Of course we are."

"Ojiisan?"

"Hmm? Yes?"

"I really like you, Ojiisan."

"I like you as well, Katsuya-kun." The elderly man smiled, his eyes crinkling, a slender, gnarled hand affectionately combing through the boy's fiery hair. "You really do look like your father, don't you? Hmm…you look at little like my son as well."

The boy perked up, thinking hard. "Grandpa Katsuya?"

"Hai."

And then the boy made a daring move. Inching forward hesitantly, he ever so carefully climbed into his great-grandfather's lap. Takashi blinked in surprise, and then he smiled warmly, returning the embrace as small arms wrapped around his neck. A single tear appeared in the older man's eye, glistening in the sunlight, as he held the little boy close.

Kyou smiled, and he sensed his wife near tears as well as she nestled closer to him.

"Tohru?"

"H-hai?"

"What was it he said to you earlier? What was it that gave you such a melancholy air?"

Her hold on his shirt tightened suddenly, and he gently released the strangle hold, wrapping his hand around hers, soothing her sudden fear with a soft kiss to the forehead. "What was it he said, love?"

"He said to make sure you came to see him again. At least once more before he passes away."

Kyou frowned; his concern not ebbed in the least. "I'll talk to him. He shouldn't be so foreboding with someone who cares about him."

"Iie. He's right, Kyou. Ojiisan's always been a perceptive man. He's feeling his mortality. There's no denying it."

He nodded, pulling her back against them, and they lapsed once more into silence, only to have it broken a few moments later by a quiet, nearly inaudible sound coming from her, and he strained to hear.

He listened to her soft humming, recognizing the tune as one of Katsuya's lullabies, and he smiled, leaning his head against hers, her soft hair tickling against his cheek. He sighed softly, wondering at the strange feeling of physical sensation. They were still unable to explain the sudden ability to embrace without triggering his transformation, but they had decided not to pursue it and instead enjoy the benefits of physical contact. It was a comfort and a joy to have the warmth of her body against his, what a sensation it was! Like nothing he had ever felt before that night, the first time he had made love to her after being released from his prison. The change was nothing short of miraculous, and he thanked the heavens every day for their gift.

His hands shifted downward, slipping around her waist, and his eyes suddenly widened, brows arching, as he took in the unfamiliar thickening to her waist. "Well, well," he mumbled wonderingly, eyeing her wryly, "Have you been keeping secrets, love?"

She smiled sheepishly. "Iie. I was just waiting for the right time. I was actually planning on Katsuya-chan's birthday celebration."

"How far along are you?"

"About six weeks."

"That's awhile not to have told me."

"I know." She leaned back, pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek. "Gomen. I wanted to keep it a surprise."

"I'm certainly surprised."

"Ano, Kyou…if you don't mind, I'd like to name her after my Kaasan."

"That's fine. A good idea, I think. But what if it's a boy?"

"Iie…I have a strong feeling about this. This will be a girl." She leaned inward, kissing him gently. "The daughter you always wanted, Kyou."

"My daughter." He could not resist lifting her into his arms, twirling her in his euphoria, unable to restrain from laughing outloud, as he leaned forward and kissed her. "My daughter. Sohma Kyoko. Our daughter."

She smiled at him radiantly, as beautiful as the first day he had met her. "Hai, Kyou. Our daughter."

_Our future…_

_Owari_


End file.
